This line appeared at the end of a press release last week that detailed the Eastern Connecticut Conference's newfound unity:

"It was most evident at today's meeting that the underlying desire among the ECC schools has been to remain together all along."

Pardon me for one second.

BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH.

There. Now I feel better.

Because that's about the only G-rated reaction I can muster when someone urinates on my shoes and then tells me it's water.

A desire to remain together? Tell me: Can someone in this league provide a working definition of "together?" I don't see much togetherness in a "league" where some schools will never play others and might even play in separate league tournaments. This is a league? Or is it merely a federation of fiefdoms that are closer geographically than philosophically?

To wit:

• How, exactly, did such divisional alignments come about? Careful thought or helicopter drop? I vote B. There is no plausible explanation why, moving forward, East Lyme and Waterford are in different divisions. None. Neighboring schools, rivals, ultra-competitive in all sports. And now it's possible, if the dramatis personae adopt two separate ECC tournaments – one for Division I and another for Divisions II and III – they'll never play each other again for a league championship.

That'll be a hoot. Two tournaments.

And please. That proviso about how schools can change divisions if they want? You'll have a better chance of seeing Elvis eating a bowl of Cocoa Puffs in Section 27 of the next Connecticut Sun game.

• On football: The scheduling mechanism is absurd. Division I schools (Ledyard, NFA, New London, East Lyme, Fitch) have six guaranteed games. That's because Division II schools (all six of them) are only required to play two crossovers to Division I, while the Division III schools have been absolved of all crossovers to Division I.

Hmmm.

Are Division III football schools (Griswold, Plainfield, Windham) really incapable of crossing over with the Division I schools once?

Fact: Since 2005, NFA has a winning record against every ECC school except two: New London (4-6) and Griswold (3-3). But Griswold is helpless.

Fact: Plainfield defeated New London this past fall. But Plainfield is helpless.

Fact: Windham defeated East Lyme and Fitch this past fall by the same score each time: 47-8. But Windham is helpless.

The Division I schools, blamed for everything outside of Ebola, deserve better. So either Division II schools add another crossover or those poor, helpless Division III schools add one.

For one thing, it's fair.

For another, it's what league members do for each other.

In real leagues.

• Another line that appeared in the press release: "We are all excited to expand our collaboration and continue to make the ECC a model conference for our students and community."

Expand our collaboration?

Who collaborates with whom, exactly?

Because here's what I see: Seven northern schools who get what they want, how they want, when they want. And then when their turn comes to be accommodating, they play Sgt. Schultz.

Example: East Lyme softball coach Judy Deeb has never missed a game. Not in 895 tries. She will this week (Thursday) when she travels to Nevada for her nephew's college graduation.

Deeb has asked Griswold to reschedule Thursday's game for more than a month. Deeb said Griswold coach Rick Arremony has refused. Games get rescheduled all the time. A month's notice is more than fair.

"We have always accommodated any similar request (twice this year)," Deeb said, "because that is what league members do."

Not in this league, Judy.

It should be noted that this issue hasn't been resolved at administrative levels, either. No one has the stones, apparently, to have told Mr. Arremony by now to do what's right.

But we want to "collaborate."

We want to be a "model conference."

We all have this desire to remain "together."

Maybe we'll all belt out a few choruses of "Lean On Me," too.

I guess I should be happy the league is remaining together. Except that how is this "together?" This is a bunch of independent contractors out for themselves.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.

Twitter: @BCgenius