CAROLYN:

I: Three years ago, meet man on ski trip, we date.

I: Introduce him to close friends, including Best Friend

I: Find out he has a live-in girlfriend, and stop seeing him.

Best Friend: Still e-mails him, and they start partying in the same circles.

Best Friend: Invites him to events she knows I am attending.

He: Tries to talk to me and be "friends."

Best Friend: Has BIG birthday party; invites him.

He: Approaches me, says he's changed and his "situation" is no longer.

I: Get re-smitten, tell Best Friend that he and I are thinking about going out, and that his "situation" is no longer.

Best Friend: Tells me HE IS MARRIED TO SITUATION NOW!

I: (TICKED), e-mail him and tell him to stay out of my life.

I: Tell Best Friend I'm (ticked) he would even "try" with me again considering he is now MARRIED. I tell her I'm DONE with him.

Best Friend: Invites him to her recent party. Guess who he brings? His wife!

Best Friend and I: Get into it after I ask her why she invites him to events she knows I'm going to be attending.

Best Friend: States that I can't pick her friends.

Is it me, or is Best Friend missing the big picture?! Isn't there an unwritten rule that Best Friend is totally ignoring? Friends don't invite your EX when you are going to be there!

- Anonymous

I: Can't believe you think that is the big picture.

On the (not-so) bright side, at least you and Best Friend still have this much in common.

The big picture is the echoless void where this guy's character and integrity should be.

That means your friend's glaring error isn't her inviting your ex, it's her embracing this lowlife as a friend.

And your glaring error isn't your trying to pick her friends, it's that - well, I guess you are trying to pick her friends. But you have justification for such meddling that you haven't even thought to use: "I have a real problem with your remaining friends with this lowlife, given that you're fully aware of his lying not just to me, but to the wife he refers to as a 'situation.'"

Not that she's going to heed you, since, if he hasn't repulsed her with his behavior yet, then her jerk-ometer might just be broken. Still, if you're going to fight her on this, make it about decency, not just your ego. You might be missing her "big picture," too.

HI, CAROLYN HAX:

Several years ago we received a wedding invitation from my out-of-state niece. We noted the postmark was one month to the day AFTER the wedding. We sent a congratulatory card.

In May, my wife and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. I wrote invitation letters to the bride, her mother and grandmother and mailed them one month after the celebration. Now my family thinks I went over the top. Over the years, we have responded with gifts to this family's various announcements and never once heard they had gotten or appreciated what we sent. Your opinion please.

- Not missing my relatives

At worst you smacked these relatives for a U.S. Postal Service glitch, and at best you stooped to their level. I'm with your family here.

E-mail Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

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