If you think there is good in everyone, you haven't met everyone. Grapefruit, my club's acid-tongued member, berates partners without mercy.

Grapefruit was today's East, and West's 2NT was "Unusual," showing length in both minor suits. Grapefruit sat stolidly by as North-South climbed to six hearts.

West led the king of diamonds, and Grapefruit - whatever his other faults, he's ethical - played the ten to show his doubleton without a revealing pause. West then tried to cash the ace, and South ruffed. He soon claimed the slam, and Grapefruit told West he was so dumb he would ask for a price check at a Dollar Store.

MIGHT LIVE

"I thought the second diamond might live," West said.

"May someone give your child a bass drum," Grapefruit growled.

South wouldn't have bid six hearts with two low diamonds, but even if he had, he had no way to discard his second diamond. West didn't need to try for a second diamond trick. If he shifts to a black suit, South goes down.

DAILY QUESTION

You hold: S A J 9 4 H A K Q J 5 D 8 C K Q 9. You open one heart, and your partner bids one spade. What do you say?

ANSWER: You have plenty of values to raise to four spades, but that bid would suggest semi-balanced pattern. Jump-shift to three clubs and bid four spades next, suggesting a singleton diamond. Partner can tell whether he has useful cards for slam.

An option is a jump to four diamonds - a "splinter bid" - to show a spade fit and diamond shortness.