When I watched today's deal at the club, South was the dreaded Grapefruit, who has an acid disposition and a tongue to match. He berates partners unmercifully.

At 3NT Grapefruit took the ace of spades and led the queen of clubs, winning. He next led a club to the ten, and East took the jack and returned a spade.

Grapefruit could win in dummy and set up the clubs but couldn't get back to cash them. He ended with eight tricks and told North that he had a mind like a steel trap -- that had been left out in the rain and had rusted.

FIVE CLUBS

"You couldn't bid five clubs?" Grapefruit snarled.

"You're nuts," said North.

Grapefruit informed the kibitzers that North's game was on the crest of a slump.

Grapefruit misplayed. He should lead the deuce of clubs to dummy's ten at Trick Two. If East takes the jack (not best) and leads a spade, South wins with the jack and overtakes the queen of clubs, setting up the clubs with the king of spades as an entry. No other defense beats 3NT.

DAILY QUESTION

You hold: S Q 5 H Q 10 4 D Q J 9 8 3 C A J 5. You are the dealer with neither side vulnerable. What do you say?

ANSWER: My style would not permit me to consider opening this hand. Though the hand contains 12 high-card points, the long suit is a minor, and the hand lacks the required defensive values to open. I know that a few world-class pairs make a good living by routinely opening borderline hands such as this, but I'd advocate a pass for everyone else.