Rick Koster offers weekly lists of ideas, notions and things that must be seen to be believed.

No one invited us over for Easter ham, so Eileen and I skulked off to Chili's. It turned out to be a customer's birthday, and Easter was trumped when the waiters serenaded the guest with one of those ludicrous, hand-clapping birthday chants. What if ...

1. ... you're sitting in an oil-change joint, waiting on the mechanic to bring in the requisite fake dirty air filter - but, instead, all the grease-monkeys dance in, doing a rehearsed Gregorian birthday chant because the housewife next to you, reading "And Quiet Flows the Don," is celebrating her 47th birthday!

2. ... you're sitting in a funeral home chapel, listening to the eulogy, and the embalmers, funeral directors and florists clump down the aisles, clapping and singing the Beatles' "Birthday" because one of the still-alive mourners is 56 today!

3. ... you're sitting in Peter Luger's steakhouse in Brooklyn when the staff perkily stomps up to a curmudgeon to wish him a glorious birthday. But it's not his birthday and, in a flurry of Russian Systema martial arts moves, he sends all the waiters to the hospital!