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Rats! Rodent takeover in NYC

Yes, folks, it is happening and there is very little anyone is going to do about it ... in New York, that is. After reading Bobby Caina Calvan's article, “As New Yorkers emerge from pandemic, so do rodents,” (May 9), I trembled squeamishly as the 'ew' factor set in. I am convinced that rats will gnaw "The Big Apple." I noticed the Broadway production of "CATS" closed, and I believe they were run out of Manhattan by Mickey Genus Rattus and his boys. There is a rumor circulating that they already control the Bronx and Brooklyn. A friend of mine visited recently and told a scary tale of being accosted while dining outside at a local eatery — two slices of his pizza disappeared as he summoned the waiter.

It is believed that the 7,400 plus sightings already through April of this year is just the tip of the Swiss cheese iceberg. Government officials and local exterminators familiar with this growing threat have discussed harrowing experiences of rodents frolicking nude in plain sight after being sprayed with potent concoctions. In spring, there are usually frequent bunny sightings; however, there are none this year so far. Authorities have seen bugs and friends on the ferries heading upstate and to Connecticut. Woe! Woe! Woe!

Malcolm Jules



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