Parents can help their children cope with the aftermath of horrific events like Tuesday’s shootings at an elementary school in Texas by modeling appropriate behaviors, child psychology experts said Wednesday.

They can, for example, acknowledge their own feelings, limit their consumption of nonstop media coverage and tend to their own emotional needs. They also should monitor their children’s behavior to ensure they’re not being unduly affected and encourage them to talk about their feelings and ask questions.

“When I heard the news, it was gut-wrenching,” said Dr. J. Craig Allen, a child psychiatrist and director of Meriden-based Rushford, part of Hartford HealthCare’s behavioral health network. “It felt like danger at my door."

"I thought immediately of Sandy Hook, as I imagine a lot of people in Connecticut did," he said. "As adults and as parents we are human and have strong feelings. It’s important to acknowledge that first. Something horrible has happened, it affects me, how do I feel about it and how do I take care of myself?”

In the case of young children who are unaware of the shootings, it’s probably not necessary to bring it up, Allen said, and it might be wise to minimize their opportunities to hear about it. With a middle-schooler, parents may want to ask what their child knows about the incident or otherwise introduce the subject.

“Be careful not to overload them with information,” he said. “Middle-schoolers will probably ask what they want to know.”

Teenagers with access to social media undoubtedly know about the shootings, Allen said. It’s important to know what they’ve heard, whether the information is accurate and whether they feel threatened. Especially in the case of older children, it’s important for parents to share that they themselves are bothered by the news.

Children may be worried that they are at risk and need assurances they’re safe. Parents can describe the steps they’ve taken to ensure the family is safe in all kinds of situations, Allen said. Kids need to be reminded that if they’re worried about something that happens at school, they should tell adults about it.

Deciding whether to broach the subject of a violent incident with a child depends on the child’s age, how much information the child’s been exposed to regarding the incident and how much anxiety the child typically experiences, according to Michelle Pievsky, a clinical psychologist with Gales Ferry Pediatrics, a Yale New Haven Health affiliate.

“In the case of a 3-year-old, the answer’s probably no,” she said. “In the case of a teenager, probably yes.”

Pievsky recommends that parents be aware of the traditional media and social media their children are consuming and try to consume it with them rather than, say, explicitly prohibit them from watching news coverage of an incident.

“If possible, participate, engage with them, suggest ways of consuming less,” Pievsky said. “If you as a parent are watching news nonstop, you’re modeling that for your kids. Try to set limits on your own viewing.”

Allen said research has shown that watching an inordinate amount of news coverage of violent, antisocial activity affects people’s mood and functioning and can interfere with their lives. He, too, advises parents to limit their own and their kids’ viewing of such coverage.

Pievsky said parents should be honest with their kids in discussing events like the Texas shootings, which left 19 children and two teachers dead.

“Be honest, but that doesn’t mean tell them everything,” she said. “I don’t recommend hiding things from children. Tell them the truth. If you don’t know, say you don’t know. ... If you’re scared, say you’re scared.”

If a child senses a parent’s fear and the parent isn’t honest about it, that can have a worse effect on the child than hearing the truth, Pievsky said.

Katie Ziskind, a marriage and family therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling in Niantic, said parents should talk to their children about bullying and the impact it can have. She said children should talk to an adult about bullying they observe and go to a guidance counselor if they experience it.

“Talk about guns and gun safety. A lot of parents have them,” she said. “Talk about death, where people go when they die and what it’s like to be grieving and sad. Talk about what these (Texas) families are going to do.”

Ziskind said she would advise teachers to talk about the incident if students ask about it. She said a class might deal with it through an art project, such as writing, decorating and addressing sympathy cards to the grieving families.

The experts agreed it’s important for parents to monitor their children’s behavior in the immediate aftermath of a horrific event. In young children, parents should look for changes in sleep patterns and appetite or excessive irritability. With older children, withdrawal and not wanting to spend time with friends are red flags.

If a child exhibits concerning behavior days after an event or if an older child starts talking about hopelessness or refuses to go to school, a parent should seek professional help for the child, starting with a school counselor, Allen said. Beyond that, a behavioral health assessment might be necessary.

“Kids can’t always express what they need,” Pievsky said, advising parents to share their own emotions and describe what they’re experiencing as parents.

She said it’s important for parents to play with young children who may be having trouble expressing themselves. Up until the age of 8, she said, children express emotions through play, not talk.

Each parent should play one-on-one with each child, she said.

b.hallenbeck@theday.com