Jeff Medeiros has gone from his usual 200 pounds to about 140. He can’t sleep comfortably, can’t drive his car for more than the five minutes it takes for him to get from his home to Stonington High School, where he is the longtime head girls’ lacrosse coach.

Stage 4 anal cancer has used Medeiros as its punching bag in recent months, in and out of the hospital four times, once with sepsis. He rented an RV for a trip to Florida in February for an immunotherapy treatment which hasn’t yielded the results he hoped for and is due for another in April.

For Medeiros, there are tears. There is anger.

And then suddenly, he is himself again.

“I’m a pretty hard-headed son-of-a-bitch,” Medeiros said this week after Stonington’s third day of practice, speaking of coaching through his illness. “If I want to do something, I do — if the world will allow me, if the cancer will allow me.

“I wouldn’t wish this on anybody, it’s the most awful I’ve had in my life, but for two-and-a-half hours a day I can get through it because of 27 girls. It absolutely helps me. I’m not thinking about my problems. It works. I’m not going to stop. It’s something I love to do. I’m good at it. I’m not trying to be a hero, I’m trying to be a role model. That’s your job as a coach, you’re a role model.

“What am I going to do all day? Damn it, let me get to the field.”

Medeiros’ 14-year-old daughter Ava is a freshman at Stonington this year and one of his incentives to coach, although Ava is aware she won’t be getting special treatment because the coach is her father.

But Ava is not the only reason the trip to the field every day, no matter how painful, means so much to him.

Medeiros, in his 23rd season, has coached the girls’ lacrosse team since 2000, before it was fully funded, spending his first few years as a volunteer. The Bears, steadfast on defense, not allowing a goal for the final 18 minutes, 54 seconds, won the Class S state championship in 2014 and were Class S runners-up in 2019. Medeiros was the Connecticut High School Coaches’ Association Girls’ Lacrosse Coach of the Year in 2019.

Last year, Stonington was 17-3 overall with an Eastern Connecticut Conference Division II title in the regular season and a trip to the ECC tournament final. The season ended in the Class S state tournament quarterfinals in Canton.

Medeiros knew then there was something wrong. He was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer on July 30 but didn’t immediately share the news with many people.

“I kept it quiet until it was so bad I couldn’t hide it,” Medeiros said. “I didn’t tell my mother, nothing. My mother was mad at me.

“When people hear the word, ‘cancer’ ... I had received the news and I bumped into a guy in the grocery store, we’re good friends but we don’t hang out. I told him, ‘I’ve got cancer’ and he was so devastated that I had cancer. I was like, ‘Dude, it’s OK. I got this.’ His reaction was worse than mine.”

In what Medeiros calls a “horrible journey,” he endured six weeks of radiation in September and October. Then came the visit to Florida for the immunotherapy at a cost of $35,000. He is due for a second immunotherapy treatment in April, hoping for a better outcome.

With each step Medeiros has taken to kill the cancer, however, the cancer has fought back with renewed vigor.

In the fall, with Medeiros unable to work at his job as a mailman at the Ashaway (Rhode Island) Post Office, lifelong friend Bob Dimock started a GoFundMe on his behalf. The initiative has raised $17,750, with the goal set at $35,000.

At that time, athletic director Bryan Morrone, as well as other members of the Stonington administration, helped Medeiros meet with his players to break the news of his illness.

The Bears, in addition to assistant coach Dan Rahl, have brought on more members of the coaching staff this year. Morrone said he has never thought of replacing the head coach, only trying to figure out how to support him.

“I get the sense that the upper classmen have an understanding they may have to have a greater role,” Morrone said. “They’ve been great in the early parts of practice taking care of the routine-type stuff. They’re self-motivated to do it for him.

“... I keep telling him, ‘Dan Rahl has been there for years. If you’re not having a good day, I get it.’ He said, ‘I’ll be fine.’ I was like, ‘I know that’s going to be your MO all year.’ I told the kids, ‘His brain is still the same.’”

The support from Morrone, from Dimock, from friends and family, has been overwhelming for the proud Medeiros, the hard-headed son-of-a-gun — “You have no idea how overwhelming it was and is,” he said. “It made me understand I touched a lot of people.”

Medeiros has taken to the turf-laden Palmer Field in Stonington the last few days with an electric scooter, easing the burden on his swollen legs, and with a megaphone.

He poses that if there is such a thing as mental and emotional healing this is it. Folding his wounded body into the car for the drive home is always easier than it is to get there.

“There’s never been more of a standup guy than Jeff,” Dimock said. “Always someone I could depend on. A really good person. Every day he’s fighting for all it’s worth. The fact he’s getting to that field is amazing. It’s a purpose that’s pulling him forward. It’s therapy every day knowing he’ll wake up and go there. It’s his driving force.”

Of course, any conversation with Medeiros isn’t complete without referencing a state championship run.

There are four CIAC divisions this year, up from three, moving some of the more difficult adversaries out of Class S, where Stonington resides.

“I could come out of this with a state championship,” Medeiros said. “Why the heck not? We’re in the mix.

“... You know my passion about coaching. It’s something I’ve done for 22 years. I’ve built a program I love and enjoy and enjoy my journey through it. I need this. I enjoy this. I love doing it. I love being there. I love helping kids. This is life and death. This is what I live for. ‘Let’s go out there and do it, girls. We’re not here to bitch, we’re here to get it done.’”

v.fulkerson@theday.com

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-jeff-medeiros-coach-dune-beat-cancer