Dr. I does not approve of academic fraud

Idle Thoughts, while waiting for the Yankees to eclipse three runs, the Sun to win the draft lottery and for Eli to grasp the new offense:

• Dr. Idle, Dr. I to his close friends, has an official statement about academic fraud at Notre Dame:

BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH.

No, really. All these years wondering what Dr. I could have done differently to gain admission.

All he had to do was cheat.

• Dr. I has a suggestion for new baseball commissioner Rob Manfred:

Create the Sabermetrics Channel. That way, anyone who wants to liken a grounder to third base to parabolas, the Cartesian Plane and negative reciprocals can do so happily.

While the rest of us cattle aren't forced to listen to it.

Like the other night when David Cone began waxing about "velo."

Now Dr. I knows J-Lo, Cee Lo, Derek Lowe, low and behold, low and outside, Sky Low Low, Rob Lowe and Lowe's Home Improvement (let's build something together.)

But, you know, Dr. I would be just as happy keeping "velo" on the down low.

• As you know, Dr. I's pastime is creating fictitious marriages. (Example: If Moon Zappa married Mickey Rivers that would make her Moon Rivers).

But Idle Thoughts correspondent Ginny Shirvis came upon a real life marriage in the region last week.

A woman named Walden is about to marry a guy named Pond.

(Assuming she will Thoreau the bouquet.)

(Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

• In lieu of a fictitious marriage, Dr. I will take a shot at a fictitious law firm this week:

If John Doe opened a law firm with former Golden State Warrior Clifford Ray, former Rangers goalie Ed Mio, former Yankees closer Steve Farr, San Diego Padres infielder Yangervis Solarte and John's sister, Jane Doe, the receptionist would answer the phone like in the Sound of Music:

"Good morning, Doe Ray Mio Farr Solarte Doe."

• The fandom will know Monday the identity of UConn's starting quarterback.

Rooting for Casey Cochran.

• Once again, Dr. I asks the 06320:

How's ol' Nick Fischer looking these days?

• Good to hear that former New London High basketball player Malcolm Simmons will be walking on at Central Connecticut this year.

Nobody else ever caused more tremors for New London coach Craig Parker … or scored bigger baskets for the Whalers.

• Dr. I issues this advice: Don't believe everything you read.

Like in USA Today's Sports Weekly this week.

Fitch grad Jesse Hahn of the San Diego Padres learned his curveball from "his father, Joe, in Norwich, Conn."

Jesse's dad is the great Fred Hahn of Groton.

(Sigh).

• So the Hodges Square Beautification Project includes putting a park bench in front of Mr. G's.

(Insert your own joke here. It's too easy).

Dr. I would rather look at a sausage pizza from Mr. G's, just out of the oven.

Now THAT is beauty.

• Finally, Dr. I would like to congratulate the following constituents:

First, a big atta girl to Connecticut Sun publicist Jen Hildebrand, who won the Shennecossett ladies' championship last weekend. For the second time. (Time for some dynasty conversation).

And congrats to former Fitch High football great George Hall Jr., on his marriage to Devon King this weekend. May their kids play sports with the same passion as their dad.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.

Twitter: @BCgenius

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