Yes, enough of you have contacted me about Kanye’s latest award show tantrum that I will share my thoughts.

If you’re living on the planet Neptune and don’t know about this, basically Kanye did a Xerox-copy gig of the night in 2009 when he interrupted a Best Female Video speech by Taylor Swift -- who lives nearby in Watch Hill! -- at an MTV awards show to inform us that Beyoncé actually deserved to win.

A few days ago, at the Grammys, as Beck was saying thanks for winning the Album of the Year trophy over, once again, Beyoncé, Kanye took the stage, thought better of it, left – and then afterwards unloaded on Beck in a post-show interview.

Kanye said, "I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain't gonna play with them no more. And Beck needs to respect artistry and he should've given his award to Beyoncé.”

Well God help us all if we don't share Kanye's exact recipe for "artistry" or "real artists." Hell, dude: from my perspective, there are a million “real artists” Grammy Folks have never even heard of -- like, most of the ones you'd find in my own "thousands-plus" record collection.

Oh, and just to get one thing out of the way so the usual kooks don't caw: Yes, I think Kanye has done some great work. Not as much as he thinks he’s done, but …

Anyway, Beck is reportedly a very mellow guy, which worked out pretty well for Kanye. Beck said only nice things about the incident, which is exceedingly gracious.

And while I loved Beck’s album and it’s very cool he got the award in an upset, I sorta wish someone like Tool had won – even though they haven’t released anything new in a while. I just like the idea of Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan giving an acceptance speech and Kanye storming out of the crowd in protest. Can’t you see how it would go?

Keenan – a master of Brazilian Ju-Jitsu and an intriguingly menacing dude – spin-kicks Kanye in the throat and intones, “Let’s see how Auto-Tune works when your voice sounds like someone stepping on a chicken!”

Kanye can also probably be thankful that Ted Nugent didn’t win Album of the Year – not that there’s any danger of that ever happening. But it might be fun:

“Yo, Ted!” Kanye cries, striding onstage. “You need to respect Beyoncé and I demand that you give her – ”

He doesn’t finish the sentence because the Nuge, whipping a Bowie knife from a sheath under his Barney Rubble-style fur outfit, hurls the weapon and hits Kanye square in the larynx with a sound like someone hitting a pumpkin with a fire ax.

Ted crows, “Let’s see how Auto-Tune works when your voice sounds like someone stepping on a chicken!”

One thing I do wonder about is whether Kanye might be a little too obsessed with Beyoncé. I mean, that's twice, now, he's become indignant on her behalf -- and why doesn't Kanye protest when anyone else is "snubbed"? I didn't see him going nuts when King Crimson didn't get inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame yet again. * 

But back to Kanye and Beyoncé. What might have been funny, backstage at the Grammys as Kanye rages about Beck, is when Beyoncé’s husband, Jay Z, interrupts.

“What is it with you and my wife?” Jay Z says menacingly. Then, puffing angrily on his Cohiba Esplendido, he removes the expensive cigar from his mouth and grinds out the glowing coal in Kanye’s eye. Kanye screeches in pain and horror.

“Wow, Kanye,” Jay Z marvels, “when you scream like that, you sound just like an Auto-Tuned chicken getting stepped on!”

* It's worth noting Kanye built an entire song, "Power," around a sample from King Crimson's "21st Century Schizoid Man." I've read the Crimson camp is less than happy with the royalties situation on that, but maybe that's just another way Kanye "respects artistry."