This time of year, New London can look like a vibrant tourist town. In reality, New London is a spot of tourist TRANSITION. Visitors park in the downtown garages and then make their way to the ferries or train station so they can go somewhere else.

They all casually sport Tiger Woods-quality golf clubs or Lance Armstrong bicycles or kangaroo-skin kayaks or board shorts signed in blood by Shaun White or beach bags made from the skin of a Kardashian. I rage as I watch them, clutching my grease-pocked lunch sack — hey, Taco Bell again! — and observe for the millionth time that Fate is a cruel bastard.

To be somewhat fair, I think I can understand the liberating sense of being on vacation. It’s a carefree time with spirits soaring in the giddy fashion of drunken gulls — yes, those same fowl that crap on my car windshield since it’s parked on the top, 17th floor of the Water Street Garage because tourists have taken all the other spaces. I’ve never actually had any conversations with or overheard much dialogue from the Travelers, but I think I can pretty accurately imagine dialogue based on their sheer audacious behavior. To wit:

1. “Hey, kids, listen up! Look, the garage is sorta dark and a lot of folks in their cars are trying to get to work, so I want us to spread out and effectively block any progress. Kayleigh, you get to the far left. Stop frequently and stare at your cell phone like Michaelangelo contemplating a bust of Homer. Topher, you space yourself between Kayleigh and your mom, and stop to tie your shoe every 15 feet. I’ll anchor the far right. And walk really slow, pirouetting occasionally with a moronic expression on your face!”

2. “There’s a handicapped space! Two, actually! Since I’m 27 and in perfect health and bought this Mercedes AMG SLC43 with incidental cash from the ol’ trust fund, what I think I can do is angle my parking just so ... There we go. I’ve blocked BOTH handicap spaces! Now I’ll back-flip to the ferry!”

3. “Okay, let’s see. There’s a crosswalk, and down there’s a stop light by the train tracks. Either’s perfect for pedestrians. As such, let’s angle across Parade Plaza where the road curves just off Bank Street and drivers have obscured sightlines and we’ll dawdle across the road there.”

4. “That was a fun vacation — and there’s the cashier booth as we get ready to exit the garage. I’ll go ahead and roll down the window and throw my trash out now rather than use the debris bin four feet in front of me.”