It's been almost 12 months since I penned a "List" that marveled over the ability of the Hallmark Channel to produce an astonishing supply of new original Christmas movies that are all exactly alike. Last year, in fact, the network commissioned 15 new Yule films; for this season, they bumped production up to 19!

Here's the thing, though. In my original commentary, I suggested a few plot alterations that could keep fans interested in the magical but relentless Main Theme — which is that opposites attract, particularly if they are photogenic young heterosexual white couples, and they will find true romance. Oh, and throw in the meaning of Christmas and a lot of snow.

To my surprise, Hallmark Channel execs read the column — and actually thought it made sense. It was too late for the 2016 onslaught, but they requested I submit a few treatments to be considered for next year's schedule, when they plan to release 436 new holiday movies. Here were my concepts — and, happily, Hallmark bought every one of them!

1. "Hallmark Network's Christmas Vacation in a Hostel" — A group of 20-somethings are backpacking across the North Pole and, staying in a cheap boarding house made of gingerbread, are preyed upon by murderous toy-making elves indulging in a bloody competition sponsored by the lunatic Mrs. Claus.

2. "Reindeer Platoon" — A remake of Olive Stone's Oscar-winning war film, this one stars animatronic reindeer fighting at the height of the Vietnam War. Much-loved Sgt. Rudolph dies in a dramatic, slo-mo sequence as he's galloping to make it to an evac chopper — even as he's being cut down by enemy fire. As Barber's "Adagio for Strings" swells mournfully, the animal staggers bravely on until his legs collapse under him and his blinking red nose decelerates ... and finally stops.

3. "Benny's Christmas Present" — A charming 8-year-old boy, Benny, feeling sorry for his divorced and lonely Mom, is convinced the man of her dreams is the department store Santa. The clever lad convinces the fake St. Nick to come down the chimney on Christmas Eve because Mom will be waiting for him with cocoa and a peppermint stick. Instead, though, when Santa emerges from the fireplace, Benny drives a wooden stake through his heart. "Damned vampires!" he mutters.