When Carolyn Loftus-Roe, a Maine resident who grew up in Stonington, heard her friend back in Connecticut needed a kidney, she wanted to see if she could help.

The Rev. Canon Mark K.J. Robinson, rector of St. Ann's Episcopal Church in Old Lyme and the former rector of Calvary Church in Stonington, where Loftus-Roe attended as a young girl, had been diagnosed with stage 4 kidney disease in July 2015, as a result of kidney damage from when he was a young boy that he continued to monitor.

He said his doctors gave him the prognosis that he could live on dialysis for five to seven years, or he could receive a kidney from a cadaver or a live donor. His family and a number of people, locally and across the country, volunteered to be tested to be a donor.

Loftus-Roe said she and Robinson always had a connection. They shared the same birthday, and he called her each year to sing happy birthday to her. He had three daughters, and Loftus-Roe ended up having three daughters too. When she went through some troubles, Robinson counseled her. 

Loftus-Roe was found to be the match that would enable Robinson to receive a kidney transplant.

Last June at Yale-New Haven Hospital, they took part in a kidney exchange, also called a "kidney swap," with three donors and three recipients.

Loftus-Roe donated one of her kidneys to a woman from upstate New York, with whom she was an even better match, while Robinson received a kidney from a former Marine.

Robinson said he was extremely grateful to Loftus-Roe.

"I feel deeply connected to her, not only through our history of connection, but now she has donated her kidney so I could receive a kidney and have life," Robinson said.

Loftus-Roe, a single mother with three children, said she made the decision after first consulting her family and receiving their support. She said it's been an amazing, spiritually rewarding experience. 

"It hasn't even been a year, and it still continues to lift you up," she said.

Loftus-Roe lost her father at age 23. She said she looked at Robinson's three daughters, all in their 20s, after the transplant and saw herself in them and felt so glad that they had their father.

"These girls have their dad now, and he's a good one to have," she said.

She said Robinson has been able to go back to church and do his work, and she has continued her life. She remains in touch with the recipient of her kidney, who is now able to travel and sends Loftus-Roe updates from her trips.

Robinson said his family, the community, his parish, and the Episcopal Church in Connecticut, have been extremely supportive.

"Now I get to go back and do the work God has called me to do," he said. "I do so with a very different mindset than I had before, because I am so grateful for every breath." 

Loftus-Roe said she encourages people who feel like they want to do something for someone, whether it's big or small, to at least try. She said she didn't know in the beginning whether or not she would be a match, but after a year of testing she was cleared.

"I try to teach my kids to just pay it forward, with whatever you have, and it doesn't have to be money," she said. "It just has to come from your heart."

A community effort

In the Old Lyme area, a local effort is underway to help others who need an organ donation, as Robinson did, and to raise awareness about organ donations and becoming a live donor.

At a March 31 ceremony at Old Lyme Town Hall, Robinson raised the Donate Life flag, along with local residents Rob Wallace, who needs a liver transplant; Rand Smith, who has kidney disease and is looking for a kidney; Barbara Shriver, who received a liver transplant; and Linda Olsen, who received a heart transplant. 

The flag will be flown for the month of April, National Donate Life Month, outside Old Lyme Town Hall, among other communities in the region. 

Old Lyme First Selectwoman Bonnie Reemsnyder said that a small group had gathered to raise the flag for the past three years, but this year a larger group came together to "shine a light" on the need for organ donations.

“It became apparent to me that this is a really, really important issue because it touches our lives," she said. "It touches our community’s lives, and the more light we can shine on this, the better for us as advocates and the better for those who are in need of organ donations.”

Within the community, the Mentoring Corps for Community Development, a nonprofit organization, is serving as mentors and patient advocates for community members in need of a transplant.

Their efforts began with Robinson, who is an MCCD board member, and expanded to include other community members, said retired Hartford Hospital physician Richard Jones of the MCCD.

Jones said the MCCD is also trying to raise awareness about organ donations and about the value of living organ donations, when someone donates an organ — or part of one — while alive.

Reemsnyder said the town first began flying the Donate Life flag after she spoke with Tom Kasprzak.

Kasprzak, a community relations representative for Eversource Energy and former director of advertising, sales and marketing for The Day, said he and his wife, Joanne, got involved with Donate Life after their 15-year-old daughter, Mary, died 14 years ago at Yale-New Haven Hospital.

Kasprzak said their son had suggested they donate Mary's organs.

Doctors told the family that they didn't know if Mary's organs could be donated since she had Down syndrome, Kasprzak said.  

According to the National Down Syndrome Society, about "half of all infants born with Down syndrome have a heart defect."

But the family persisted, remembering that a cardiologist had previously told them that Mary's heart was "perfect," Kasprzak said.

Mary's organs were donated to five people, he said. He said the family has an ongoing relationship with the woman who received Mary's heart, who has visited the Kasprzaks at their East Lyme home. The Kasprzaks, who wrote a book about Mary titled "Plain Vanilla with Rainbow Sprinkles," became godparents to the woman's first adopted child.

Kasprzak said that Mary would have wanted to donate her organs to help people. He said she always chose to be happy, regardless of her circumstances, and to help other people.

"None of us should ever take for granted the power we have to influence other people in a positive way to change this world for the good," he said

Contact information

More information on the Mentoring Corps for Community Development is available at mentoringcorps.org.

To find more information or to donate to Rob Wallace, visit at http://robsjourney.com; for Rand Smith, contact kidneydonationplease@outlook.com.

Information on the United Network for Organ Sharing is available at www.unos.org; and DonateLife Connecticut at www.DonateLifeCT.org. Hartford Hospital Transplant Program can be reached at (860) 972-4219 and the Yale New Haven Transplantation Center can be reached at (866) 925-3897.

k.drelich@theday.com