Westerly — Imagine, for a minute, an entire episode of Wheel of Fortune devoted to the people of Westerly, R.I. (Work with me a little here). And the first contestant who wants to buy a vowel.

Heh, heh, heh.

You almost giggle at the thought of lights, bells and whistles ping-ping-pinging like slot machines. That's because Westerly is home to more Italians, nearly all of whom bear vowels at the end of their surnames, per capita than anywhere this side of Milan. Which sort of makes it fitting that the town's new high school football coach, Duane Maranda, owns plenty of Italian blood.

He fits them.

They fit him.

Quite the marriage already.

Italian wedding soup anyone?

"The first week I was here I heard the word 'soupy' at least a dozen times. I actually googled it and I still make the mistake of spelling it wrong," Maranda was saying earlier this week, preparing the Bulldogs for Friday night's season opener at Fitch. "(Senior) Ben (Terranova) told me there's a season coming up when we're going to have to hang it and make it. I probably have a half-dozen invites to do that."

Ah yes, soupy. Native to Westerly, which owns the most soupy sales in the country. Soupy, for the uninitiated, is a peppery, dry-cured sausage created by immigrants who moved to Westerly from Calabria. The name, per lore and legend, is thought to be derived from "soppressata," an Italian all-pork dry salami. Say that to a Luzzi, Terranova or Fusaro, though, and you might get whacked across your estremità posteriore (rear end) with one.

Indeed, the Bulldogs of 2016 reflect their town's heritage quite well. There are three Terranovas (Spencer, Ben, Andrew), two Morrones (Ben and Matt) and a Luzzi, Fusaro, Discalo, Alfero, Servidio and a Gervasini.

"It's a very Italian town," senior Matt Kapfer said. "My mom is a Luzzi. Straight off the boat. She came here when she was seven. She's related to half of Westerly. If you want some pizzas, it's straight up Matt Kapfer's house. She could cook for an Army. Spaghetti and meatballs up the ying yang. That's how you get to 240 pounds and can barely get out of bed in the morning."

Maranda, who is Italian on his mother's side, got the job in the offseason after spending four years at New London. He's already spent time at the Catholic school (St. Bernard), magnet school (New London) and country(ish) school (Bacon Academy). Now he's among all the vowels.

"From day one, he was preaching about family," Ben Terranova said. "He fits right into this town."

Maranda gets it, too. Like how one of Westerly's line calls is "pepperoni."

"We want the kids to come up with keywords that mean something to them. Pretty fitting call," he said. "We also have 'soupy,' 'capicola.' By the end of practice I'm pretty hungry."

It should be noted that Maranda aced the pronunciation of "capicola," known by Italians and other non-heathens as "gobba goal."

"The town has a little bit of everything," Maranda said. "When I was looking for a place to go next, I wanted to go someplace where football means a lot. Blue-collar kids, very passionate about the game. Westerly definitely has that. Demographically a little bit of everything. But most importantly, football means a lot."

Almost as much as food.

"I thought I made a great meatball until I got to Westerly," Maranda said. "We went away to (preseason) camp and had a bunch of moms cook for us. Matt's mother showed up and I swear she spoon fed our kids meatballs until they couldn't eat anymore."

Terranova, meanwhile, said he already has soupy in his basement in a bucket of oil.

Pretty good senses of humor here all around. Go figure that sports can actually elicit a few laughs now and then.

Here's wishing Maranda buona fortuna (good luck) in his new digs. It's been a fun preseason. Now it counts.

"I could see myself coaching here for a very long time," Maranda said. "I'm just spending too much money on lunch."

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.