I’m really glad it’s also apple season, because otherwise I’d be a major party-pooper, and a lonely one at that.

I’m not a big fan of pumpkin-as-food. I don’t like pumpkin pie (it’s the texture that gets me). I don’t like the smell of pumpkin guts (self-explanatory). I find the notion of a pumpkin-spice latte revolting (also self-explanatory). I really only like roasted pumpkin seeds, but frankly they’re not really worth the effort it takes to harvest them, in my humble opinion.

Which is a bummer because come autumn, food and beverage merchants love to bust out the pumpkin-heavy promos, all of which I dejectedly decline. Pumpkin beer? Ew. Pumpkin muffins? I call that dressed up bran. Pumpkin truffles? Waste of chocolate.

The only pumpkin product I’ve ever attempted to prepare is pumpkin cookies, and I was only in it for the cream-cheese frosting. The cookies themselves were huge, too moist, and, naturally, pumpkin-y, and therefore bleh. I was happier with the extra frosting.

However, all is not lost. Pumpkin time also means apple, candy, and great TV time. So, while everyone’s carving up giant gourds, I shall substitute my pumpkin-less-ness with apple pie, crisps, soups, sparkling cider (take that pumpkin beer!), and candy corn. Maybe I’ll even make one of those mulled cider recipes and huff out the whole house in apple-y joy instead of rancid pumpkin guts.

And, when you see me at the annual Harvest Fund Day at Christ the King Church in Old Lyme Oct. 16, I’ll be smugly silent, since I’ll be busy selecting winners in the apple-pie and chili contests. You know apple pie, right? It’s the pie that isn’t made from orange goo? The crisp delicious one that can be rendered so many different ways, as I learned at last year’s contest. It’s a tough job, but I like to do my bit for the community. (Thank goodness it’s not a pumpkin-pie contest.)

For details and information about the festival, visit www.christthekingchurch.net.