Paula Clifford Scott, who dedicated the past two decades to honoring the memories of her daughter, granddaughter and other victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, died Wednesday in Mystic. She was 90.

Friends and family remembered the Ireland native as someone who was stylish, elegant and full of faith, and someone who displayed great optimism and forgiveness in the face of great tragedy: “Have a grateful day” was the message she had at a 9/11 ceremony in 2016, and it was the message on her answering machine.

Her son Ron Clifford said he and Spencer Scott, his half-brother, were sitting by her bed and holding her hands when she passed Wednesday morning. He looked to see the time.

It was 9:11.

Clifford took it as a message from his sister, Ruth McCourt, who was headed to Disneyland on United Airlines Flight 175 with her 4-year-old daughter, Juliana, when terrorists hijacked the plane and crashed it into the World Trade Center.

This message was one of multiple odd coincidences intertwined with the tragedy Scott faced and its aftermath. Ron Clifford was in the lobby of the World Trade Center on 9/11 and made it out, unaware at the time that his sister and niece were on one of the planes. Mystic resident Judi Caracausa, who said Scott was like a mother to her, noted that she shared a birthday with Ruth McCourt. And then there was the thread faery.

Close friend Alice Fitzpatrick said when she stayed with Scott in the aftermath of 9/11, she found a gold thread on the coverlet of the bed and asked Scott where it came from.

“And she said, ‘Oh my God, it’s a message from Juliana,’” Fitzpatrick recalled. When Juliana found a stray thread, Scott told her the thread faery had visited. This inspired a children’s book written by Amy Crockett, Scott’s friend from church, with illustrations by Elaine G. Mills.

From Ireland to Connecticut

Scott was born Paula Eggers in Belfast, Northern Ireland, and grew up in Cork, according to an obituary Ron Clifford wrote that is being published in Ireland. Ron said she gave a lot to women throughout her life, including founding a club for married women in Cork, where women in politics or fashion would come speak.

She attended the Ursuline Convent in Blackrock, Cork, married Valentine B. Clifford, and had five kids. She then divorced, married Dr. Leslie Francis Scott, and immigrated to the United States with him and Ruth.

“I think that she had grown beyond Cork,” Ron Clifford said Friday. “To get divorced in the 70s was shocking, shockingly shameful, but she was innovative. I think she had grown beyond where she was socially, and every other which way, and she just enjoyed coming to America, because it gave her the freedom to grow.”

She had a son with Leslie Scott before divorcing, and in 2000, she moved from Colorado to New London to help care for Juliana. Ruth had married David McCourt, who was from Connecticut.

Alice Fitzpatrick recalled that Scott took Juliana to dance lessons, and she helped maintain the gardens of Ruth’s waterfront home on Pequot Avenue.

At the time, Fitzpatrick was head of what was then called the Community Foundation of Southeastern Connecticut, and she met Scott through Roz Mallove, who knew David McCourt from a young age and wanted to introduce him and Ruth to people when they moved back to New London. Fitzpatrick said at a dinner, she and Scott hit it off right away.

Fitzpatrick recalled that Paula, Ruth and Juliana came to her daughter’s wedding on Sept. 8, 2001. A picture a photographer took of Ruth and Juliana “in a beautiful pose” would be used on the cover of their funeral program a week later.

Faith and “optimism beyond all reason”

Fitzpatrick stayed with Scott for a couple weeks after 9/11, “because she couldn’t stop shaking. She was just undone by the entire thing.” But Fitzpatrick was impressed that Scott “turned that enormous grief she was bearing” into two major projects: the book “The Thread Faery” and the McCourt 9/11 Memorial Garden, on the grounds of the Lyman Allyn Art Museum.

Scott worked with members of the New London Garden Club, New London Police Department and New London Fire Department to create the garden.

Maura Casey, a friend who met Scott through Fitzgerald just days before 9/11, said Scott wanted the ceremonies to be for all families who lost loved ones, not just hers.

Scott “possessed profound faith, optimism beyond all reason, and a belief in the power of grace that carried her through sorrow that would have embittered almost anyone,” Casey wrote in a Facebook post Wednesday. “Yet she never seemed to rail against a cruel fate that left her to face her elder years without her two beloved girls.”

She recalled that after 9/11, Scott invited Casey’s eighth-grade granddaughter and one of her classmates to tea at her apartment in New London, to talk about the attacks and answer questions. The following year, she was a special guest at their graduation from Franklin Elementary School, receiving a standing ovation.

“Paula says that she survived the death of her daughter and granddaughter through faith and resilience. She seeks out comforting coincidences,” Mystic writer Ruth Crocker wrote in a blog post in 2012. She added, “Through this magical book and garden, Paula has created a place to celebrate beauty and preciousness. It does not forgive a deplorable act, but it brightens and sustains the light given off by one brief life.”

Crocker rented her mother’s house to Scott for a time, and they became friends. She recalled Scott as someone who “had a very Irish sense of humor,” had “kind of a mischievous nature” and spoke her mind.

Fitzpatrick said Scott knew how to comfort people who suffered a great loss, and Judi Caracausa said Scott helped her through the death of her mother.

Lyman Allyn Director of Exhibitions Jane LeGrow said in addition to being involved in the installation of the garden, Scott volunteered at the Lyman Allyn in other ways, such as decorating for the holidays. She also enjoyed going to events at the Garde Arts Center.

Fitzpatrick recalled Scott as a wonderful cook and “a ferocious Scrabble player.” She said it took Scott many years to return to Ireland, but then she returned with some frequency, with Fitzpatrick accompanying her on several trips.

Two of Scott’s sons live in the U.S. but she has other family and friends in Ireland.

Scott is survived by her children John, Ron, Mark and Spencer; stepchildren Fiona and Anne; and extended family, including seven grandchildren, 12 great-grandchildren, and nieces and nephews. In addition to Ruth and Juliana, she is predeceased by her son Gordon, both husbands, and Ruth’s widower, David McCourt. She will be laid to rest in Ireland with her parents, Hans and Gertrude Eggers.

The family thanks Apple Rehab Mystic staff for their care of Scott over the past two years.

Family have joined Scott at 9/11 memorial ceremonies, such as the 20th anniversary ceremony at the McCourt 9/11 Memorial Garden. In a video from Patch for the 10th anniversary of 9/11, Scott said, “I never had anything but forgiveness in my heart. You can’t heal without forgiveness. Without forgiveness there is no healing.”

e.moser@theday.com