Rick's List — Here's Bees in Your Eye Edition

As I write, the news about a patient I call "Bee Girl" is just breaking. By the time you read this, though, days later, I suspect Bee Girl will have become a huge story and I'll seem "late to the party." Well, it's irresistible. And, if somehow you haven't see it, a 29-year-old woman in Taiwan, identified only by her last name, He, complained of significant eye pain, and doctors discovered four bees living under her eyelid feeding on her tear ducts.

It seems Ms. He was diligently cleaning a relative's grave when the bees took up residence in her left eye.

That beats the astonishing "Night Gallery" episode where an earwig crawls in a man's ear and chews its way through the chambers of the guy's brain. Miraculously, the earwig somehow escapes the maze of brain-tunnels and emerges from the other ear! But there's very bad news: whilst inside, the apparently very pregnant earwig laid hundreds of eggs in the already-ragged corridors of the fellow's cerebrum. The victim screams. Understandable, I think. Cue a dissolve to host Rod Serling looking grim.

OK, maybe four bees homesteading beneath an eyelid isn't as bad as brain-chomping earwigs, but both are pretty high on the list of "Think you don't like infomercials with Wink Martindale? How about THIS instead?" scenarios.

Bee Girl is expected to make a full recovery, and the four bees were relocated to an artificial tear duct factory where they can live happily and with plenty of sustenance.

Still, there are things I wonder about.

1. Who buries their relatives in a combination cemetery/bee hive?

2. Medical personnel isolated a possible cause of the infestation and instructed Ms. He that, in the future, she should refrain from her habit of coating her left eye with honey — a superstition she's had since childhood. "It's supposed to keep evil away," she said, extracting a bee from her pupil and eating it. "Tastes like chicken with honey on it," she quipped.

3. I didn't do very well in my undergraduate botany course, but if bees fly around and pollinize, does that mean Ms. He's eye will suddenly bloom flowers?

4. An exterminator we knew back in Dallas — Mr. Her (just kidding; his name was David) — told me that cockroaches' favorite thing to eat, insofar as it's possible to determine such a thing, is soap.

a. Tell Ms. He to NOT put soap in her eyes!

b. David the Exterminator was a competitive water skiier on a national level. This has nothing to do with bugs in our eyes, but it IS sorta interesting.

c. If you had to have a bug living in your eye, would you rather have a bee or a cockroach?


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