It's a busy world, but what mostly interests me at this moment is whether it's legal to give your kid a really offensive name. Forget whether it's probably not good idea if Mr. and Mrs. Cutberth name their son Joseph Mengele Cuthbert, or Mr. and Mrs. Kasko name their daughter Stormy Daniels Kasko.

I just want to know if it's LEGAL.

If I was a cop, could I knock at the door of the house where Mr. and Mrs. Wainwright live and when she answers the door — well, hold on. To be accurate, it's Mr. Wainwright who typically opens the door. So let's try that again: If I'm a policeman and I knock on the door and Mr. Wainwright opens the door, can I say, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you because y'all named your son Charles Whitman Wainwright"?

That's maybe not the best example because a lot of judges would throw that out of court, harrumphing, "Who the hell is Charles Whitman? Officer Koster, why did you charge this person under the 'Can't Name Your Kid Something Awful' law?"

Then I have to explain. "Y'see, Your Honor, in 1965, Charles Whitman climbed the clock tower at the University of Texas and opened fire, killing 15 and wounding 31. So, I assumed that would fall under the No Awful Names law."

"It probably would if any of us KNEW that. But we don't," the judge says, not remotely embarrassed by his ignorance of school-shooter history. Then, as if reading my mind, he says, "Now, if Mr. and Mrs. Wainwright had named the boy 'Dylan Klebold Wainwright,' that's different ..."

The point is, there are several Mr. and Mrs. Kosters around the globe who chose to name their boys "Rick Koster." There's me ... and then there's everyone else.

We don't NEED other Rick Kosters because almost all of them are cooler than me: a successful auto racer; a classical violinist; a neurobiologist; and a Rick Koster who lives in the same Dallas suburb with my in-laws. They keep calling him, asking him to come over and mow their yard. My wife says, "Mom, Dad, we live in Connecticut now. You called the wrong Rick."

What I'd like to see is a new generation of Rick Kosters who are nasty, awful people — folks who would inspire a "Can't Name Your Kid Something Awful" legislation:

1. Rick Koster, 46, was arrested Thursday and charged with writing a fake autobiography of prop comic Gallagher. The not-real memoir, titled "Fear and Trembling," was sold at auction for a mid-six figures advance.

2. A 65-year-old Rick Koster, who looks like a cross between Bernie Sanders and that Kaczynski bomber guy, actually walked out of a Phish concert! Phish Nation is outraged!

3. Under a Toronto Star newspaper photo of a man holding wacky swimming pool novelties: "Rick Koster, 72, shows off some of the 'water woggles' he claims to have invented in the mid-1980s ... Koster has felt bitter and betrayed over not being recognized as the (inventor) ..."

4. Rick Kosters #2 and #3 are real and so is the Toronto Star cutline.

5. The Rick Koster who DIDN'T WASH HIS HANDS.