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    Friday, May 24, 2024

    Dr. I: Toilets need all the ‘accessories’ possible

    Idle Thoughts, while waiting for a savior for St. Bernard, Opening Day and for a dozen (half dozen?) eggs to cost less than a car payment:

    • Dr. Idle, Dr. I to his close friends, used a time-honored strategy when considering the proposed new community center in New London: Give up all hope and you’ll feel much better.

    It worked. Dr. I’s grandiose view of an actual haven for the kids of the city — and perhaps with enough basketball courts to become a moneymaking entity hosting AAU tournaments — turned out to be just that: grandiose. Folly. Charlie Brown chugging toward the football.

    Dr. I obtained Amendment 1.0 from Downes Construction LLC, the firm managing the construction of the center. Our fearless leadership saw this list of all the things that won’t be included whenever this $40 million (up from $30 million) edifice is built — and voted for it anyway:

    Carpentry, architectural woodwork, tile, acoustical ceilings, flooring, signage, toilet compartment and accessories, lockers, food service equipment and gymnasium equipment and seating. There’s more, but you get the idea.

    Of particular interest here is “toilet compartment and accessories.” Perhaps Dr. I’s interpretation here is incorrect. But could that mean no doors on the stalls?

    So if, for example, some poor patron has an attack of Taco Bell and must remain seated for the entire performance in the restroom, he must do so before an audience?

    This just in: Given the delicate nature of what happens in and around toilets, we need all the accessories possible.

    • Interesting factoid about men’s college basketball rosters this year, belonging to the Department of Redundancy Department:

    Butler has Ali Ali.

    Georgetown has Akok Akok.

    Pittsburgh has Federiko Federiko.

    Hmmm. This gets Dr. I thinking about former Georgetown center Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje, renowned cellist Yo-Yo Ma, former UConn soccer player Carlos Carlos, former U.N. secretary general Boutros Boutros Ghali and Bam Bam Rubble of the Flintstones.

    Wouldn’t it have been a hoot if they all made a cameo on Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman?

    • Normally, Dr. I gets all the cheap laughs he needs from sports. But the local politicos are off to a rousing 2023.

    Let’s see. Eggs $6 a dozen? Empower teachers again in our schools? Guns all over the place? Nothing to see here. Move along, move along, move along.

    Instead, let’s rename a river.

    If you missed it, the state Transportation Committee, in need of something to do now that Road Construction Season seems to be waning, may rename the Thames River the Pequot River.

    But why stop there?

    It makes no sense that the Pequot River flows along Pequot Ave. in New London, yet motorists can take an easy turn on to Thames St. Shouldn’t that be Pequot St., too?

    And while we’re at it: Former Yankees outfielder and hitting coach Marcus Thames should consider becoming Marcus Pequot. Who knew Louie and Danny used to cut hair at the Pequot Barber Shop? How about the Pequot Yacht Club? Pequot River Boat Launch? Pequot Landing Oyster House?

    • Seems to Dr. I that Dan Hurley is a very good basketball coach right up until the game starts.

    • Last week’s contribution from Muffet McGraw:

    “Maya Moore’s retirement brings back memories from the best rivalry in WBB,” McGraw wrote on Twitter. “In her last game vs ND in the 2011 FF, she scored 36 pts including the last 12 of the game. We hung on to win thanks to Skylar’s 28, but what an amazing competitor. She was unstoppable. Good luck from ND.”

    Congrats to Muffet for offering a modern day illustration of damning with faint praise.

    • Dr. I was fascinated by the criticism of Al Michaels and Tony Dungy for remaining understated during Jaguars’ victory over the Chargers in the playoffs last week. Apparently, if you don't yelp like Gus Johnson now, you should be fired.

    And somewhere, the great Pat Summerall weeps.

    This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro

    Comment threads are monitored for 48 hours after publication and then closed.