On Saturday, the Mohegan Sun hosts its 2nd Annual Summer Kick-Off party on the newly renovated Sun Patio. Two of the key words in the Sun’s press release hyping the event are “epic” and “free.”

In support of “epic,” the event features drink specials, food trucks and live music from one of the area’s finest party bands, the Fake Experience. In support of “free,” there’s no cover charge.

The Sun website has a video promoting the Summer Kick-Off Party, and I’ve broken down the numerous quick-flash images in the one-minute production so that you don’t have to:

∎ Attractive funsters drinking/glamour shots of liquor: 11

∎ People flocking to Sun Patio as though the doors were opening at Walmart on Black Friday: 4

∎ Live bands rocking onstage (although hopefully not playing the video’s cheese-basted background instrumental funk): 10

∎ Dude slicing a cheese-basted pizza into wedges: 1

∎ People dancing AND drinking simultaneously: Abacus doesn’t go that high

∎ Cascade of beach balls falling from the pavilion ceiling like it’s midnight on New Year’s Eve: 1

∎ People playing with or kicking beach balls: 8

∎ Number of celebrants as old and eerie looking as me: 0

Summer Kick-Off Party, 5-9 p.m. Saturday, Mohegan Sun Patio; free; mohegansun.com.