Editor's note: Grace is proud to welcome the expertise of bilingual educator Analisse Rios in introducing a new online feature - the Spanish translation of clinical social worker Beverly Carr's monthly column. This month, she helps parents think ahead for the holidays, which can be a joyous but also overwhelming time for everyone in the family. Carr takes a realistic, but positive approach to family and social dynamics, and we are happy to make her words more widely available to our readers. Rios was born and raised in the mountains of La Paz, Bolivia. She moved to Connecticut seven years ago to attend Connecticut College. She graduated with a degree in human development and certification in elementary education to pursue her lifelong dream of becoming a teacher. She is currently a Grade 5 bilingual teacher. When she is not at school or taking classes to complete her master's degree in bilingual education, you can find her relaxing on the beach, running the streets of Waterford, or enjoying the snow she had never seen prior to her move to the east coast.

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As the calendar turns to November, my heart feels so happy. It is my favorite time of year, mostly because of Thanksgiving. I think of it as the 'perfect' holiday. No gift giving, no stress, no rushing. Eating, relaxing and getting together with family. It is that last moment before the holiday season is fully upon us and things get hectic! And believe it or not, the holiday season can be a stressful time for your little ones. Seems unlikely, but the holidays bring up for them things us grown-ups have not had to think about in a long time, like performing at holiday shows at school, reciting a Thanksgiving poem in front of their class or splitting time between divorced parents' homes at Christmas. They can become stressed, act out and then heighten our frustration level, which is never a good thing. Below are some holiday stress questions answered to help you keep your home and family as peaceful as possible this holiday season.

1. What types of things can increase stress for kids during the holidays?

• Divorce, separation or remarriage. The holidays can also be a difficult time for children who have lost a parent, sibling, or close relative. This year, many children are also separated from parents due to ongoing military service. Also, if parents are feeling stressed at the holidays the kids will sense that and in turn feel it as well.

2. How can parents tell if their kids are feeling the stress or anxiety of the Holidays?

Tears over small things, nervous behaviors such as nail-biting, regression to younger behaviors, such as baby talk or bed-wetting

3. What types of situations cause anxiety for kids around the Holidays?

• Performances can cause children a high degree of anxiety, like school or church singing shows. Some children become very nervous when they have to get up on stage in front of other people and perform.

• In addition, some kids are anxious about the very icons of the holidays that bring such joy to other children, such as Santa Claus.

4. What about family conflicts that can surface during the holidays?

We all have family members that we are closer to and those that we do not connect with so closely. It is important for adults to act civil towards one another during the holidays - after all looking at the big picture is what the season is about. But more importantly, it models for the children that there will be times when people may not get along but it doesn't mean there needs to be a family argument. Or if seeing family causes you great amounts of stress each year, it's OK to say 'no' sometimes. Celebrating with just your partner or kids can be a wonderful alternative to seeing people who make you feel consistently stressed.

5. What can parents do to help their children with holiday stress and anxiety?

• The most important thing parents can do is monitor and manage their own stress. Taking care of themselves will help them take care of their family. This means not skipping that yoga class because you have to go to the mall to shop.

• Stick to routines as much as possible. This will help children know what to expect and the consistency will allow them to not fluctuate with behaviors

• Feed them well. It is very easy to drive through a fast food restaurant on your way to the school play or to the mall, but it is very important to maintain nutritious eating habits during the holiday season. To make it easier, right after thanksgiving, bake and freeze some meals that can be heated up during the busy time of the holidays. This will make it easier to skip the fast food place and head home for a home cooked meal together.

• Limit TV and video games and instead get them moving. Physical activity is a huge help in reducing stress and anxiety.

• Talk to children about what helps them feel better. Is it time alone with music, a favorite book or writing about their feelings? This way when you, as a parent, sense that they are getting stressed, you can recommend they go use one of their calming strategies. And to model, talk to them about what helps calm you, about how you used to feel during the holidays and what you did to help yourself feel better if needed.

• Listen to children if they do not want to participate in shows at school. As parents, you know your child's personality, and if they are uncomfortable performing talk with them about it and decide together if it is in their best interest to move ahead.

6. How do family traditions help children at the holidays?

• Family traditions are extremely important at all times of the year, but seem to show themselves most during the holidays. They provide comfort and security for children, in that they know what to expect and it remains the same year to year. This is wonderful for children. Whether it be watching a particular favorite movie together or baking a special item, traditions soothe and comfort children. So if you don't have any yet, make this a year to create one.

If you find yourself struggling to get through the holiday season, take a step back, breathe and remember that it is about spending time with family. Focus on managing your stress and your children will get through this holiday season with fewer meltdowns and have happy memories about their family time together and traditions.

Beverly Carr is a Norwich-based clinical social worker. Her column appears monthly in Grace online. Visit beverlycarr.vpweb.com for more information.