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    Friday, May 03, 2024

    Personal Connections: Coping with the two kinds of boredom

    In these strange times, more people are feeling bored than usual. Obviously, that makes sense for people who are used to working and having lots on their calendars and suddenly don’t. But even people who are still working may be bored, just for different reasons.

    Before you can address boredom, it helps to know which kind you have.

    “Too much time”

    The first type of boredom happens when you don’t have enough productive things to do. Your days drag on. You feel unmotivated. You might not even get dressed or brush your teeth. Your mind starts to feel like mush.

    The solution for this kind of boredom is finding at least one kind of work you can do. You need a reason to get up in the morning, something more compelling than yet more hours zoned out with Netflix or social media.

    Relaxation is great, but it’s much more enjoyable when you also have a feeling of accomplishment from what you’ve gotten done.

    Think about tasks you could do around your home. Clean out a closet? Put in a garden? Give the kitchen floor a good scrubbing? Make a list of projects: Divide large projects into smaller tasks, and challenge yourself to check off at least one every day.

    Be sure to pay attention to the feeling of satisfaction when you do. Maybe tells others about it? (One of my friends is sharing hysterical posts on Facebook describing her attempts at mask-making and closet-cleaning.)

    If you’ve done all the domestic projects you have energy for and still feel bored, maybe you need something that challenges your mind or body. Take up yoga or running? Train for a half-marathon? Research your family’s genealogy? Read up on any topic that interests you (World War I, beekeeping, theology, 19th century literature, auto repair, anything).

    Or, make it your “job” to connect. Each day, call one person you haven’t talked to in a while. Or, email or write a paper letter to an old friend.

    Whatever you choose, commit yourself to spend a certain amount of time on it every day, or at least three days a week. If you’re a calendar sort of person, put it on your calendar. Create a schedule for yourself to provide some structure in your life (which might include “I’ll get out of pajamas and into clean leggings by 10 a.m.”).

    “Too much the same”

    Under social distancing, even people who are swamped with work or caring for kids or elders can feel bored by the sameness of every day. When we hardly go anywhere or see anyone, it feels like “Groundhog Day”: same old, same old, again and again.

    So how can you get some variety in your life? Mix things up.

    Get a change of scenery. Go for a walk somewhere new: in the woods, near the water, or in a different neighborhood.

    Take a drive, just to see different places. Take your coffee and drink it in your car while you look at a view.

    Even at home, you can change what you look at. If you usually sit in the same chair at the kitchen table, get a new perspective by switching seats. If you’ve been meaning to paint a room, do! This would be a great time to have a new color around. If you usually eat in front of the TV, have dinner in the kitchen instead. If you have tablecloths or plates you don’t often use, pull them out now.

    Maybe pick a decorative item from somewhere else in the house to use as a centerpiece this week. Or rearrange the furniture in the living room. Even familiar things look different in a different context.

    Try new tastes. These days, most of us are eating more junk food than maybe we should, partly out of boredom. But healthier stuff can be interesting, too.

    When you’re at the grocery store, look for veggies you don’t usually eat and give them a try. Ask friends for new recipes. You may love the new tastes. Even if you don’t, you’ve added some experimentation and variety to your week.

    Think about mocktails, too. It can be tempting to kick back every night with a beer or cocktail. But you might be just as happy with something non-alcoholic that adds a new flavor. Find interesting recipes online and take the time to savor your creation.

    You can also use your mind in different ways. For instance, watch or read things you usually don’t. If you usually pick comedies, try a history show or documentary one or two nights a week. If you like mysteries, try cooking shows. Or dramas, or vintage movies like noir and westerns, or travel shows, or cult classics, or anything you’ve heard of but have never seen.

    The new thing may not be your fave, but the variety will make life more interesting.

    Same with music. By all means listen to the stuff you love, but also add genres you don’t usually listen to. Maybe try some recent releases. And if you feel inspired, go ahead and dance!

    If you’ve been watching too much TV, turn off your devices and go analog. Do a jigsaw puzzle or crossword. Play board games. (You could even do this with a friend in another location if you each have the same game board.) Take up knitting or try your hand at painting. (Remember that it’s not about making something impressive, just having fun.) Maybe decorate rocks and place them along the road in your neighborhood to brighten people’s day.

    Consider diving into family history. If there are fewer new things to talk about, talk about older things. Learn more about your partner’s or your parents’ childhoods. Ask relatives for more stories about when you were little or before you were born.

    Talk with cousins about their view of family dynamics. With families, there is always something new to know.

    Vary what you wear. We’ve all gotten much more casual now that we’re not going out much. Even if you love being in comfy clothes, it may mean you’re wearing the same handful of things all week, which is boring.

    Maybe pick one or two nights a week to get a little dressed up for dinner. Or wear a nicer top during the day, even though the only people you teleconference with are coworkers in their sweats. Not because you have to, but because variety is the spice of life.

    Coronavirus may have limited some things about our lives, but it doesn’t mean we can’t find ways to make life interesting.

    Jill Whitney is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Old Lyme who blogs about relationships at KeepTheTalkGoing.com.

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