East Lyme ― There was a profound silence in the room as, one by one, people stood at the call of a name and placed a tea candle in a glass in front of the altar.

The name called was not their name but the name of a loved one who had passed away.

In collaboration with the Brian Dagle Foundation, a service Sunday at Saint John’s Episcopal Church reminded everyone in attendance that while the Christmas season is one of joy, it can also be a season of grieving and healing.

For the past few years, the foundation has held an annual service, open to all regardless of religious denominations, to honor those missing from the holidays.

Ann Dagle started the Brian Dagle foundation after losing her son Brian in 2014 to suicide. Dagle said she felt it was important that a person say the name of a lost loved one during this time, and the service allows people “to be still and think of them in a quiet way.”

In 2018, Dagle and her husband opened the Brian’s Healing Hearts Center for Hope and Healing, offering grief support groups for different kinds of losses and more. On Saturday, the foundation had more than 1,100 people in attendance at its Jingle 5K fundraiser events.

The service Sunday included prayers, scripture readings by the Rev. Anthony Dinoto, poem readings, the light ceremony and hymns.

“Do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand,” Dinoto read from Matthew 5:1-16 in the Gospel.

Martha Rogers did a reflection after the readings and questioned what one should do when the holidays hurt. Rogers said she had no real answer but that people needed each other and needed to kind to themselves. She said joy and grief are not exclusive.

“You’re not alone,” Rogers said. “What do we do when the holidays are different and they hurt? Do the best you can.”

It was especially during Rogers’ reflection that Becky McCoy, the foundation’s outreach and community coordinator, said she was thinking of two people, having lost her father 10 years ago and her husband eight years ago.

She said the reflection allowed her to be honest with herself and recognize that even though they are not presently here, they are still here in many other ways.

McCoy said grief is not talked about enough and it can be isolating. McCoy hosts a monthly grief and spirituality speaker series with the healing center.

“I’m happy to be a part of the work to give people an opportunity to grieve together and recognize that spirituality plays a role in healing regardless of what they believe in,” she said.

j.vazquez@theday.com