I've been feeling a bit morbid lately. It has to do with reaching that age where I'm starting to lose friends and acquaintances with some regularity — particularly since it seems such a short time ago that we were all attending one another's weddings or graduations. (Insert "Wow, dude, time flies!" metaphor here.)

In that spirit, though, I remain grateful for a sort of dark sense of humor that has served me and like-minded pals well in terms of getting through these melancholy events. And it occurred to me, as my wife and I spent yet another hour recently shopping for the latest "sorry for your loss" card — and realizing there are very finite ways of expressing grief — that I would actually buy and use humorous sympathy cards! I know, I know: not for everyone. But it's something to think about for all you entrepreneurs out there ...

In any case, as my feeble brain spun these melancholy ruminations over and over, I found myself trying to imagine how the limited "cliches of death" will be employed in my specific context when I die. Here's what I think my loved ones will hear in the reception line:

1. "Rick will be missed. Not so much that sorta sour smell he had about him, though."

2. Mourner: "You know, if there's a rock 'n' roll heaven and, heretofore, they had a helluva band, well, the band just got worse. Koster was a mediocre bassist at best. He always pushed the tempo, and his harmony singing could make the Neville Brothers vomit."

Widow: "Hey, easy! The poor guy isn't even cold yet!"

Mourner: "Just sayin'. It's not like Rick's gonna walk into the 'Heaven Helluva Band' rehearsal space and knock Jack Bruce out of the way."

3. "Well, I was just so sorry to hear about Rick. Is there, ah, any beer here?"

4. "How 'bout them Saints!"

5. "We're here for you. If you need ANYthing, call. I mean, not real late at night or too early. And preferably not for a ride somewhere. I hate giving people rides. But ..."

6. Finally (and I envision a well-meaning aunt patting my wife's shoulder): "Honey, don't worry! Rick's asleep in the gentle arms of the Devil."