New London — Heather Cyr had optimism but little else when she arrived at the city’s homeless shelter about a month ago.

This time, she said, she was determined to turn her life around and not repeat the mistakes she’s made in the past.

But just 17 days after finding herself homeless for the third time, Cyr complicated matters last week when she got drunk and belligerent and temporarily lost her bed at the city’s Homeless Hospitality Center.

Cyr, who celebrated her 35th birthday homeless on March 4, was readmitted to the State Pier Road shelter Tuesday after speaking to Cathy Zall, the executive director.

“I still have the ambitions that I had when I first came here, I just fell into a hole,” Cyr said.

She arrived in New London Feb. 23 after calling the state’s homeless hotline, 211, the night before from a friend’s place in Preston. Cyr, who met a reporter on that first day in New London, agreed to publicly share her story, which illustrates how complex homelessness can be.

The local homeless shelter gets 25 to 30 new people every week, according to Zall, who said the objective is to get them rehoused or resettled as quickly as possible. But given the problems that some homeless face — mental health issues, addiction and alcoholism, eviction, lost jobs, disabilities or medical problems, divorce or family alienation — finding housing can be difficult with the limited resources available.

In 2015, the Connecticut Coalition to End Homelessness reported that there were 4,038 homeless people in the state — 2,418 of them in shelters, 994 in transitional housing and 626 living on the streets.

Heather Cyr is one of them. Born and raised in the Danielson area, Cyr left school after the eighth grade. She’s battled drug addiction and alcoholism and spent time incarcerated and in detoxification programs. As a teenager, she said she was raped by several young men who were never prosecuted, and has only recently begun to heal from the experience through hypnotherapy.

She is the biological mother of four children and was married to their father for a time, but she said that, about 2008, she relinquished custody of her four sons to their father, a decision that still pains her.

When she arrived in New London the last week of February, Cyr was told that the Homeless Hospitality Center was full, and she was given a temporary bed at the warming center on Jay Street, adjacent to the city’s Covenant Shelter. It would be almost two weeks before Cyr moved on March 7 to the State Pier Road shelter, and just a few days later, on March 11, when she lost her privilege to stay there.

“I’m not condoning what I did, but I can’t keep beating myself up for falling into the hole,” Cyr said. “I just have to get up out of it and not fall into it again.”

More than anything, Cyr said she doesn’t want to be homeless anymore. She spoke about watching other people go about their daily lives and said she is envious.

“I don’t recommend my situation to anybody ... but all in all, I made the decisions that put me here,” she said.

Growing up, Cyr said she was never a good student and was passed from grade to grade, despite failing marks. She said she had low self-esteem, was bullied in school and that there was turmoil at home, especially when she told her parents she wasn’t going back to high school after spending just one day there.

Father prays for her

Her father, Roy St. Peter Sr., who now lives in Florida, said he and his late wife called a truant officer and tried to force Heather to go to school, but she fought them and the authorities. Today, he worries about his daughter’s drinking, her homelessness, and what might happen to her.

“It’s very sad. I go to bed every night and I pray for her. And I tell her, ‘I’m waiting for the phone call and the day I have to identify you on a slab, that is my nightmare.’”

St. Peter said Heather has tried to live with him several times, unsuccessfully, and that he occasionally sends her money and asks her not to spend it on alcohol.

“I could give her everything she needed, but money is not gonna fix the problem,” he said, adding that alcohol abuse is Heather’s biggest demon.

“She’s my baby, and she’s so sweet when she’s not drinking, she is the sweetest thing there is, but when she drinks, she turns a little mean,” he said.

Cyr said she hasn’t used crack or cocaine in more than five years, but said she does still drink, and usually she can handle it. On March 10, when she went out with a friend for a drink, she didn’t intend to get inebriated. But she said by the time she returned to the shelter early Friday morning, way past curfew, “I was annihilated.”

She doesn’t know exactly what she did, but acknowledges she was out of line. She said she called an ambulance and asked to be taken to a hospital detox center. That was on Friday morning, and she said she was released on Sunday. She spent two nights sleeping in a friend’s truck.   

“I am completely beating myself up because of this,” she said Tuesday, after learning she was readmitted to the shelter. “I’m so sick of it, but I just can’t give up. The fact is, I didn’t want to spend another night in that truck again, in the cold, and I want people to look up to me, not look down on me.”

Despite the setback, Cyr said she’s determined to get back to the goals she set before her recent problems.

‘Homeless and hopeless’

Upon arriving in New London, she almost immediately began work on her GED at New London Adult Education. And she has her sights set on completing the certified nursing assistant program at the city’s Opportunities Industrialization Center.

A year from now, Cyr said she would like to have her GED, a job as a CNA, her own apartment and maybe even a car.

“I’m taking things seriously because I don’t want to stay this way, I don’t want to be this way anymore. I don’t want to be homeless and hopeless. I don’t want to give up anymore. It makes me want to cry, but I don’t,” she said.

Over the years, Cyr said she’s made poor choices when it comes to men, and said she regrets abusing drugs. She said in the past she’s been homeless in the Willimantic and Norwich areas, and has depended on federal and state assistance programs, including the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program. 

Her most recent bout of homelessness occurred after she left her father’s home in Florida to return to a boyfriend in Connecticut. Once here, Cyr said she realized it was a mistake, because the boyfriend has a drinking problem, and together they were “toxic.”

She said she stayed with the friend in Preston for a few days, and when she couldn’t stay there any longer, she made the call looking for housing assistance and ended up in New London.

Zall, the executive director of the city’s Homeless Hospitality Center, said a shelter cannot fix all problems.

“We don’t wave a magic wand, but we at least give you a chance,” she said.

“Why I do this every day is because some people do get back on their feet, and she may be one of them,” Zall said of Cyr.

The executive director was hesitant to discuss Cyr’s case, but said the shelter allows second chances, and “that our philosophy is not to kick people out; it’s to keep them in.”

“Some people have trouble navigating,” Zall said. “And some people get a few bad breaks and they don’t have a strong support system.”

But a shelter bed is not forever, and Cyr said she knows that.

She’s hoping to continue at school and connect with support services through the center, and stay there long enough to find a job and get an apartment of her own.

‘I want to fix her’

Asked about her drinking, Cyr said she’s been through detox several times and has attended Alcoholics Anonymous, but is not convinced that’s what she needs now.

The recent night when she went out drinking, she said she saw her AA sponsor on the street on her way to an AA meeting.  

“She gave me a hug and said, ‘Oh no,’” Cyr recalled. “She said, ‘Why don’t you come to a meeting?’ And I walked over with her, but I didn’t go in.”

Cyr’s sister, Angela Hopkins, lives in Groton and has taken in Cyr in the past, but said she had to tell her to leave because of her drinking.

“I love her to pieces, she means everything to me, but this is all so deep, it starts from childhood,” she said.

Hopkins believes the drinking, and the rape, have contributed to her sister’s problems.

“(The rape) was talked about, but never dealt with, and that’s not fair for her,” she said. She described her sister as “brilliant,” and said in different circumstances, she likely would have been a star student. And she said, “She is gorgeous, even still she has it in her to be gorgeous, but she’s worn out.”

She wants her sister to succeed.

“I think about her every day and it kills me,” she said, adding she has her own issues and is not an innocent herself. “It’s just so sad. I want to fix her. I want her to be better, and I try to be positive and encourage her.”

Getting her GED is a good start, Hopkins said.

“Hopefully this is a new beginning for her,” she said.

 Cyr is optimistic that it is.

“I have to do it my way; I can’t do it everybody else’s way,” she said, and added, “I pray every day that I can make my life different.”

Her father prays, too.

“I’m a religious man, and I tell her she can’t do it without God,” he said. “She was raised a Catholic, and we took her to church every Sunday. But she can change to any faith she wants. I don’t care what faith she is, but she has to put God in her life.”

Cyr smiles when she hears that her father is praying for her.

“I’m blessed and grateful that I have lived to see 35,” she said. Because of all the poor decisions in her life, “I could have died many times, and I’m just thankful I didn’t.

 “I don’t have much,” she said. “I have the clothes on my back and shoes that aren’t ripped anymore and my books, and my word puzzles and my journal.”

Walking around New London, she said she’s watched other women get out of their cars and head into their homes.

“They have a pocketbook, and I bet they have a job, they’re normal,” said Cyr, adding, “I want to be normal, too.”

She’s thinking about her sons, and recites their names, ages and dates of birth.

“My wish is that they are happy and doing good in school and that they are well taken care of and taking the right path, and I hope someday I can see them again, and be their friend,” she said.

Cyr said she has no intention of slipping up again.

“I have to do this myself,” she said. “No one else can do it for me.”

a.baldelli@theday.com