Dear Marisa,

Did you watch “The Walking Dead”? Good episode, but some details are bothering me. Like, why, oh why, are there no big box stores anywhere where these refugees can find a clean T-shirt, a bag of chips, a can of soda? They’re not too far outside of Atlanta, right? Where’s the urban sprawl? Why are they not running into a Wal-Mart or a Cosco, or seeing Starbucks on every corner?

I know there are rural parts of Georgia, but for goodness’ sake, why do they keep coming upon churches and houses in the middle of the woods with no paved roads and no parking lots. Why does every town look like it’s out of the 1950s?

In that whole town, the only place to find canned goods is in a water-filled hole in the basement of the food pantry?

OK, that felt good. So what do you think about the monsters lopping off Bob’s leg and chewing on it in front of him?

Love,

K

*** 

Good Lady K,

I had to look away as soon as that creep Gareth took a bite of out his roasted shank of Bob. I seriously hid under a blanket until that scene was over. What. The. Hell?

Now, I figured they’d run into those wackos sooner or later but NOT this soon! Seems a little silly that the Terminus Trolls took our band of heroes by surprise. The show might’ve lured us into a false sense of security THEN sprung the Terminus peeps back on us.

And what was Bob up to when he went out to the churchyard? He was all smiles, then an emotional wreck. Had he been bitten? That was our theory: We thought he’d been bitten in the muck-ghoul-water, was trying to hide it from Sasha (PS. I so don’t remember them falling for each other), and was en route to go quietly off himself in the little cemetery area when Gareth showed up. But then he didn’t turn. But then again, doesn’t it take a bit to turn after a bite? I forget! If that IS the case, then Gareth and friends just ate a bunch of zombie. Hahahahahahahaa!

Also, what, do you suppose, does Carol NOT walk to talk to Daryl about? (PS. Only last night did I realize they’ve got cute rhyming names.) The horrors that went down at the prison? Did they share some other … intimacy? It seemed rather flirty, but then again, no one in that crew gets a clean bill of mental health. What they find flirt-worthy would likely make others run screaming.

Help!

-M.

*** 

Dear M,

Ok, the BobBQ was quite disturbing, in so very many ways. Bob looked pretty good for just having his leg cut off. Yeah, he was sweating but I can’t imagine he’d be able to even open his eyes after that ordeal. I’m sure they didn’t anesthetize him or give him pain killers afterward. Why didn’t anyone hear him scream?

I, too, thought he had been bitten, but the Terminus Trolls, as you called them, would have noticed and surely would not have eaten him if they saw a bite. Why was he outside by himself? Someone tweeted last night saying something like, it’s 18 months into their ordeal: why is anyone out in the woods at night alone? That, my friend, is a good question. So what about Bob? Do you think he gets rescued? The group does have a lot of experience toting a one-legged man along.

And how strange is it that no one asked Carol or Tyresse about Micca and Just-Look-At-The-Flowers Lizzie? I think that is what Carol is refusing to talk about with Daryl. Remember, Carol and Daryl were getting close before she was banished from the prison. I think they’ll get together again.

BTW, did you see the commercial that showed Daryl from one of the first episodes? My, how the zombie apocalypse has aged him. He looked so young!

*** 

K,

Yes! Both Rick and Daryl looked like school boys on spring break in that commercial. Shocking, indeed, and of course it made me long for the days of cleaner clothes and hair. When the scavenging party first gained entry into the food bank I was SO excited to see racks of clothing. Surely, I thought, our heroes would swap out some of their rags for fresh(ish) duds. But no. Nobody thinks to grab a few extra T-shirts-as-supplies, and, indeed, it appears no one saw fit to change AFTER SWIMMING AROUND IN ZOMBIE DEATH WATER! Seriously, were I the good Rev. Gabriel, I might’ve taken my chances in a fistfight with Rick and flat-out refused to go foraging for food down there. What was that crud floating on the surface? WHY did they have to ALL go down there to take out the zombies? Could they not have lured them to the hole in the ceiling, stabbed them all in the head, and THEN tried to grab some canned goods? Do we really think it’s safe to immerse ourselves in nasty, likely toxic water when we’re short on medical supplies??? And seriously, was Rick holding the baby during dinner whilst wearing those same clothes??? Baby Judith is going to have the greatest immune system ever if she lives to see the age of 2.

Here’s another thing: how about Zen Carl? I generally always hate it when he calls his dad back for a word before a dangerous mission, but his assurance to Rick that their group can be safe, prepared, AND decent was music to my ears. No kid should ever have to hear a parent say, essentially, “You will never be safe again. The world is a horror show.” I mean, that may be true in a post-zombie-apocalyptic world, but can Rick at least ATTEMPT to allow this boy a shred of youthful whimsy? But hey, despite it all, there’s Carl, cool as a cucumber and looking after his wee sister. I like this. Officially stunned that I stopped hating Carl for a sec last night.

Meanie,

M.

PS. I love you forever for invoking “BobBQue.”

***

Dearest M,

Glad to hear you’re coming around about Carl. He can be annoying, but lest we forget he’s only 12 or so. He’s been through a lot. Talk about someone looking different. He has certainly aged.

That whole going-into-the-pit-and-killing-the-zombies stunt was pretty outlandish. Seems there could have been a better way. But hey, I haven’t been living hand-to-mouth for the past 18 months. As soon as I saw the walker still wearing glasses — which I believe was a first for any zombie we’ve seen to date — I knew she was connected to Father Gabriel.

Speaking of Gabriel, the Archangel Gabriel was always chosen by God to deliver messages to mere mortals. Why don’t the writers just hit us over the head with THAT symbolism? What symbolism, you ask? I don’t know but it must mean something.

Love,

K.

PS. I’m pretty sure I stole BobBQue off of Twitter, but thanks.

***

Brilliant K,

Amen sister re: the overly religious name for Gabriel. Hmmm, maybe the next preacher they meet will be called Uriel Jehovah Smith…

I’m not quite sure how I feel about Gabriel, despite what should be his intention-assuring name. I find it odd that he decided to yell for help when he was under attack. He alleges he's been alone and locked up in that church for months. Why would he think anyone would come to his aid on this day? (Ruling out divine intervention of course, which, if the zombies are any indicator, is highly unlikely.)

Also not certain about this Archie Andrews on steroids character – whose name is Abraham, BTW; we’re going all Old Testament now! — and his crew who are bound for D.C. How do we know they THEY aren’t wackadoos intent of blowing up the planet or something? That would certainly “cure” the zombie problem … dunno, didn’t like how strong they came on when they hooked up with Glen. Hey Rick and crew, can we vet this Eugene for more than 2 minutes? Again, they agree to a new mission way too easily. They questioned Gabriel longer than they questioned Abe et al.

Of course, Washington, D.C., means infrastructure, and — gasp! — perhaps a grocery store or two! Baby formula! T-shirts! Gatorade! I can’t handle watching little Judith drink water from her bottle. Find a goat and milk it already!

I promise you, I’d be the greatest looter of all time in this scenario. Print it.

I'll close with this link to more inappropriate Bob-being-eaten memes. And this one with some very good details to note, too.

Luv,

M.

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