According to the pound people, I am a German wire-haired pointer. I have to take them at their word because I don’t remember my parents, or whether they were named Klaus and Gretyl or had wiry hair.

I do “point” when I see a bird I find particulary appetizing – I mean, interesting – and I have hair, but it’s more soft and curly than wiry. Granted, I look a lot like the pictures you find online of other GWPs. And I do like Frankfurters.

But there’s one aspect of my personality that throws this GWP-lineage into question in my mind.

I’m terrified of water. And you can’t be a water-fowl hunting dog and be afraid of water.

If it’s a body of H2O bigger than my water bowl, I want nothing to do with it. Doesn’t matter if it’s fresh water or salt, still or gurgling. I don’t even like rain.

Just ask my people, who’ve tried to get me to fetch sticks in the waves at the beach. Not happening. Or my Lab friend, Maggie, who loves diving and swimming in her folks’ backyard pool. I’ll stick to the patio, thank you.

And today, I found proof online that I’m the smartest of the bunch for sticking to my aversion.

Apparently, there is a truly massive great white shark patrolling the waters off the East Coast. I imagine she’s hungry. Her name is Mary Lee, and she spent a good part of the winter as far south as Florida, but now she’s back in the waters off the Hamptons. That means Connecticut is on her menu for the weekend. her out. She weighs almost two tons!

Check

So, if you’re as remotely smart as I am, you’ll take your water bottled and stick to terra firma.