Rhode Island residents Terry Gaspard and her daughter Tracy Clifford have written a book that they believe can untie the knot of divorce and reduce its negative impact on family members.

The book’s title, “Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship,” pretty much sums up the book’s objective.

Gaspard is a licensed therapist with more than 30 years of clinical experience specializing in divorce, children and families. She is also a college instructor, nonfiction writer and magazine contributor.

Clifford, along with her mother, conducted the in-depth study of more than 300 daughters of divorce referenced throughout the book and is co-owner with Gaspard of movingpastdivorce.com.

Gaspard recently talked to The Day about her book and her personal experience with the subject as a daughter of divorced parents, divorced herself, and now happily remarried for almost 20 years. 

Q. Who should read this book? Divorced women, daughters of divorced parents, married daughters of divorced parents or all of the above?

A. I believe all of the above, and I also feel that spouses and partners of daughters of divorce can benefit by getting more information on the issues that impact their intimate relationships. Therapists can strongly benefit from reading it as well. In my experience, a lot of therapists are unaware of some of the long-term effects of divorce. If they haven’t gone through it themselves or aren’t informed about some of the complex issues, they might overlook them. 

Q. There are a lot of books about divorce. What is unique about your book?

A. Our book is unique because it specifically helps daughters of divorce, and the stories we collected over period of five years, including the quotes, are very informative to readers. The stories are great. 

Q. What was the experience of writing this book with your daughter like, and what important perspective did she bring to it?

A. She brought the perspective of a young adult, as I’m in middle age. She really listened to the stories of the women and related to them and put her own slant on things. We were then able to fine-tune the most prominent issues we wanted to focus on that would help women (of all ages). We give her perspective and mine at the end of every chapter. It doesn’t mean we have the same view on everything because we’re mother and daughter. I think it was very therapeutic for both of us to make those connections with the research and the women who talked to us about their experiences — what brought them success, hope and resilience and some of the stumbling blocks that stopped them from making better choices in partners. 

Q. What is the worst impact divorce has on children? Feeling like they have to choose between parents? Lack of consistency?

A. Divorce is a challenge, but there are ways you can do it to help kids cope better. And one way is to reinvent a life that’s healthy for you and model healthy relationships. Avoid rebound relationships, don’t date immediately, discover who you are again, enjoy activities that are good for you. And if you do remarry, find someone who can take on the role of stepparent and, most importantly, don’t badmouth your (ex) spouse. 

Q. Why do you say it’s crucial that daughters heal their relationships with their fathers?

A. You want to encourage your daughter to have a consistent, positive relationship with their dad, but it doesn’t always work that way. After divorce, dads usually spend 15 to 20 percent of their time with daughters. They may feel they’re going to be rejected by their daughter or the court set up that the daughter spends more time with their mother. Men often remarry faster, and I don’t think dads always understand the importance of connecting with their daughter more than once a week, just hanging out with them, spending quality time. There’s no replacement for that. Most studies show that the father-daughter relationship would really need to be repaired for her to move on in healthy relationships. 

Q. The book is based on seven specific steps to a successful relationship. Why these steps?

A. They were gleaned directly out of the interviews with the women. They filled out very extensive 10-page surveys before they interviewed with us. The (issues) the women pointed out became the steps. For example, trust is a major issue, and the (importance) of having a good relationship with both of your parents. 

Q. With all the hard stuff it addresses and the depressing statistics it cites, such as being a daughter of divorce more than doubles your risk of divorce, is this book ultimately optimistic?

A. Yes, because it encourages women to look at themselves, work on their own issues that may be a result of growing up in a divorced family, and try to make better choices with intimate partners based on the strategies outlined in the seven steps. There are action steps at the end of each chapter. Even simple things, like if you stop issuing ultimatums, you will find how much more harmonious your relationship can be with your spouse. Reflecting on their own underlying dynamic, listening to their (spouse’s) side of the story. These steps really cause you to become more committed to seeing the relationship work out, versus throwing in the towel too soon. Every chapter gives you tips for feeling better about yourself and also seeing your relationship in a new light. Self-awareness and getting these issues out in the open for couples is really important.

“Daughters of Divorce” by Terry Gaspard and Tracy Clifford (Sourcebooks) is $16.99, softcover.

UPCOMING BOOKSIGNING

What: Terry Gaspard will sign copies and facilitate a discussion of family, relationships and divorce

Where: Savoy Bookshop and Café, 10 Canal St., Westerly

When: 6 to 7:30 p.m. Tuesday

Info: banksquarebooks.com/westerly-store or (401) 213-3901