Rick's List - clever beach gear edition

This week, my wife Eileen and I just finished the latest of our biannual "clothing transfers," which is where we gather all the stuff we've worn in the previous months and trade it out with what's needed for the current climate.

Unfortunately, in typical Koster fashion, we're somehow a season behind. Which means we only just now packed LAST summer's gear into the attic even though this summer's starting. On Sunday, then, I'll go back in the attic and bring back down all the swim wear and Hawaiian shirts I put up there last weekend. Gotta get back on track!

One problem tangentially related to this is that we realize how tattered and old our summer wardrobes are. My flip flops, for example, purchased for a Spring Break beach trip to the Gulf Coast in college when we partied all night with Billy Carter and Ronnie Van Zandt, are showing signs of wear. Time to shop.

Checking online, I spied some flip flops from a company called Reef. They're a little pricey for me — $34.95 — but it seems the soles of the sandals have a built-in bottle opener.

A what?! WHERE?!

What sort of a kook would open a beer using the bottom of a freakin' shoe? If I remember correctly, the bottom of a shoe is the part of it that connects with the ground.

"Hey, Rick! Where you been?"

"Walked to the packy to get some beer. Want one?"

"Sure, thanks. Which store?"

"Jolly Kirk's Spirits — you know it? On the other side of the toxic waste dump?"

"Oh, right. You trudge across that glowing landfill, hike through the shattered-syringes of the needle exchange parking lot, then carefully tiptoe over the open sewer line behind the morgue, right?"

"Yep. Here, let me take off my flip flop and open a cold one for you."

I suppose there are people who wouldn't think twice about using their flip flop bottle opener. I'm personally not gonna do it, but the entrepreneurial side of me wonders if there's something to this conceptual sea-and-sand cross-pollination:

1. A pair of those tiny men's Speedo bathing trunks with the pouch doubling as a Bloody Mary mixer.

2. An Adirondack-style beach chair that also functions as a Porta Potty.

3. A wacky Panama hat that also works as a dual beer can holder with drinking straws. Oh, wait, some kook already got rich doing that.

4. A ski boat outboard motor that, by flicking a switch, becomes a compact particle accelerator medical diagnostic machine.

5. A surf board made entirely of bottle cap openers.

6. A spy-quality device that mutes all Kenny Chesney music within 500 yards of your beach.


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