We live in a celebratory culture where even the most mundane accomplishment triggers a protracted display of exultation. For example, if I nuance a particularly fluid sentence at my desk, Day colleagues know I’m going to stand up in my chair, rotate like the drum of a cement mixer and bellow the St. Crispin Day speech in a hearty British Isles accent.

You probably do something similar when you’ve fixed a leaky faucet or remembered your ATM code or actually received your precise order from the Arby’s drive-through.

But these commemorative displays pale next to the histrionic demonstrations we see from NFL players on virtually every play regardless of achievement. Last Sunday, I watched a defensive tackle jump off-sides on a crucial fourth down, giving the other team a first-and-goal situation. Was he sheepish or remorseful or embarrassed by his faux pas? No! He did a credible soft-shoe, backflipped, and his teammates high-fived him. They lost on the next play.

Admittedly, there have been some clever, amusing NFL celebrations: Seahawk Doug Baldwin’s “end zone poop”; Buffalo’s Stevie Johnson pretending to accidentally shoot himself in the leg (a hilarious pantomime depicting the accidental gunshot that sent former Giant receiver Plaxico Burress to prison); Saint Joe Horn extracting a hidden cell phone from the goal post padding and making a call. But overall the creativity has drastically declined even as celebrations have increased. The “highlight” this season, for example, was a multi-part narrative in October by New York Giants receiver Odell Beckham that culminated with the star proposing marriage to a kicker’s practice net. Huh?!

That’s why it’s time for End Zone Rick’s Football Celebration Production Company. We’ll custom design and orchestrate only the finest, guaranteed-to-resonate-forever NFL celebrations. We can offer:

1. Choreography — Faculty includes principals from the Moscow Ballet as well as those helpful yellow decal footprints you find at Fred Astaire Dance Studios.

2. Pyrotechnics — Our engineers have designed league-approved helmets capable of detonating multi-shot devices, star-shells, and a little number we call, “My God! Is that a jumbo jet going into a building?!”

3. Theatrical set pieces — At top speed, our crew wheels a stage with a full PA to the on-field location of the celebrating player, who then performs with full chorus a “show-stopper” from (choose one) “Carousel,” “Hamilton,” “Cats” or “Human Centipede.”

4. Conceptual — Tailor-made for any athlete based on his own theme. An upcoming construct, requisitioned by a member of the Steelers, will feature the player opening a sideline equipment truck, releasing a flock of exotic birds that will fly overhead in the shape and color of Pieter Bruegel’s “Landscape with the Fall of Icarus.”

Let the touchdowns commence!