By the time you read this, I will have been professionally hypnotized.

Indeed, as part of a Day print/video project that is tentatively scheduled to run in our Daybreak section May 13, I will (Friday night) voluntarily undergo a mesmeric exercise as conducted by popular magician/comedian/hypnotist Jim Spinnato during one of his twice-monthly residency at Comix in Mohegan Sun.

Of course, it might not work. Jimmy explains that not everyone is susceptible to hypnotism.

I don't mind sharing that I have mixed feelings about this — and not in the "he made Rick cavort like a barnyard colt and, oh, how we guffawed!" fashion. For one, I know Spinnato, and I suspect his "suggestions" will be fiendishly more along the lines of "See that mic stand? When I say 'Presto,' you'll believe that's a clothing-optional Stormy Daniels standing there! GO!" than to rely on corn-basted carnival routines from the Age of Innocence.

My apprehension goes in darker directions.

Remember the film "The Manchurian Candidate," where a former U.S. prisoner of war in Korea, portrayed by Frank Sinatra, is released so that, years later, operating on a hypnotic trigger, he'll commit a political assassination?! What if Spinnato has decided I'm his Mr. Manchurian?

Or worse: in the first-ever episode of Rod Serling's incredibly eerie "Night Gallery" series, they adapted a short story by Fritz Leiber in which a physician uses experiments in hypnosis to make healthy patients exhibit symptoms of illness and sick patients become well. It goes horribly awry when the doc makes a patient "die" — and the resurrection procedure fails. Months after the "deceased" patient is buried and has, ah, rotted, the doctor is reviewing tapes of the flawed trial and realizes he used the wrong "wake up and snap out of it" sequence. It's pretty freakin' great when the suddenly animated corpse comes out of the grave — unless Spinnato saw the same show ...

What I'm hoping will happen is that I AM susceptible to the process and that Jimmy uses his estimable powers for Goodness. Here are a few things he could do that would make my life better:

1. Hypnotize me to START smoking.

2. Hypnotize me so that I'm a black belt in Krav Maga without having to do any of the work.

3. Hypnotize me to think humidity is refreshing. Can't get enough humidity!

4. Hypnotize me to dislike kale. I'm enjoying that stuff WAY too much.

5. Hyponitize the folks at our parking garage to think it's excellent when I key the cars of rich tourists who blithely and illegally park in handicapped spots so their precious trips on the Block Island ferry are minimally inconvenienced.