I've recently started driving my what is my second Honda CRV. The first one provided 15 years of fine work, and I have zero complaints about the Honda CR-V. Well, wait. I do have one complaint. What the hell IS a "CR-V"?

It sounds like an acronym for a life-saving procedure, and not at all like the snappy name one wants in one's car — even if one's car is a sport utility vehicle and not the sort of vehicle movie stars steal in films where they need to escape from the sort of grand heist requiring the perpetrators to wear evening gowns or tuxedos.

I looked it up. CR-V stands for "Comfortable Runabout Vehicle." Rolls off the tongue! I thought Gabriel García Márquez was dead! I don't understand why we don't just use the full name with that one. "Look at that silver Comfortable Runabout Vehicle! It looks, ah, comfortable."

And why the dash between R and V? Should it then be pronounced with a dash-y hesitation? "Hey, dig my Comfortable Runabout ... Vehicle!"

In that spirit, while walking my dog, Virgil, past a succession of New London beaches that are private even though I think there's a law against such things in Connecticut, the street was lined with cars owned by the beach-goers. And it occurred to me that there are a LOT of asinine names of car models. Here are a representative few:

1. Buick — "Lacrosse" and "Envision." PLEASE! No one driving a Buick plays Lacrosse. People MY age drive Buicks. How about the Buick "Social Security"? As for "Envision" — Envison what? The grave?

2. Hyundai — "Veloster" and "Ioniq." The marketing department is drinking absinthe! They giggle and make up words that don't even sound cool. "Veloster" should be a rayon knock-off clothing material, and "Ioniq" was the least attractive of six sisters in a lost Shakespearean tragedy calle "Elantra."

3. Nissan — "Rogue," "LEAF," and "Titan." I like leaves as much as the next fan of autumn, but not so much that I'd write it in all caps. And "Rogue" and "Titan" were the names of '50s porn mags you'd find in your grandfather's war trunk.

4. Chevrolet — "Spark." Hmm. I thoughts a "Spark" was the thing that hit the fuel tank in the Ford Pinto (and anyone who buys a car named after a bean is suspect).

5. Volkswagen — "Golf." Used to be "Rabbit" but that was too stupid so they changed it to ... "Golf"?! You can't even fit a set of clubs in a Golf!

6. Subaru — "Impreza." At least I know what "Impreza" means. She was Ioniq's sister.

P.S. Honda just called. They're changing the name of the CR-V to the Honda "Lettuce."