I'm glad I got out of the youthful habit of affixing bumper stickers to cars because, idling at stop lights behind folks who enjoy applying bumper stickers to their own vehicles, I find myself typically thinking, "Boy, THAT'S an idiot."

I can write that because I'm a reformed bumper-sticker-er. It started when I was a kid and a football fan of the old Southwest Conference, which comprised Texas, TCU, SMU, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, Baylor and Arkansas. At some point, Enco service stations (I think they became Exxon) gave away free decals for each of those teams, in proper school colors, and in the shape of pennants. And you trust that my parents were happy when I plastered one of EACH of the eight pennants across the back windshield of their deluxe Cadillac. Soon thereafter, when I received two free decals from the Dallas Tornadoes pro soccer team (who?!), I added those to the same windshield.

It looked like Jackson Pollock retched.

Over time, I employed fewer and fewer stickers. When we got rid of our Jeep in 2004, its decal logo of the excellent New Orleans band Cowboy Mouth was the last one. And that was that ...

Recently, though, I've found myself a touch jealous of bumper stickers — but not political ones or jokey ones or even ones hyping the Red Sox or New Orleans Saints. Instead, I'm envious of folks who proudly assert that they'd "rather be" doing something. Typically, this seems to be "fishing."

But there are plenty of other Rather-ers driving around and bragging about it via stickers, too, only they'd rather be Sailing, Camping, Golfing, Surfing or Playing Rugby. I've seen all of those recently.

And of course there are "witty" offshoots like "I'd rather be having sex!" or "I'd rather be drinking beer!" and so on. Funny stuff.

Here's some bumper stickers I'd like to see:

I'd rather be whistling a perky tune

I'd rather be watching those infectious "General" insurance ads featuring the animatronic military guy with the white handlebar moustache

(Sticker seen on a boat): I'd rather not be fishing — as I am right now — but, instead, I'd rather be driving a car in traffic with a bumper sticker that says "I'd rather be fishing"

I'd rather be using a power drill to core through the roof of my mouth and on up into my brain

I'd rather be adapting all six volumes of Karl Ove Knausgaard's 3,500-page "My Struggle" into an animated TV series featuring puppies, colts and baby hares

I'd rather be roasting Sean Hannity over a firepit as part of a Black Mass

Go, Dallas Tornadoes!