Drew and Jonathan, those twins who rebuild beggar's hovels into baronial palaces on their TV show called "Property Brothers," now have a magazine. The periodical is called Reveal, and the siblings say they envision a stylistic cross between The Paris Review and a Home Depot catalog.

I'd say I can't wait to see the first issue except that, for some reason, it was mailed to me and we received it yesterday. My wife Eileen and I were up till 3:45 a.m., mesmerized by every word and article. Some of the features include:

1. The famous "lost essay" by Christpher Hitchens on why, when he built the kiddos a tree house, he preferred Milwaukee brand framing hammers and Dewalt's 23-piece deep combination impact socket set.

2. The brothers design a fantasy "hang out room" if they were building it for the Manson Family.

3. Another monthly staple will be "Re(visit)," wherein the bros take a closer look at "iconic interior-design moments" from pop culture. The inaugural issue focuses on the hidden apartment where Anne Frank wrote her diaries. Just kidding; it's on Monica Geller's place from "Friends."

If any of this sounds familiar, it may be because those other famous TV fixer-upper people, Joanna and Chip Gaines — the married couple who performed one of the most astounding feats of wizardry ever in making the city of Waco, where I went to college and basically held my nose for six years while falling eight hours short of a degree, seem like a truly hip destination.

"Honey, happy birthday! We're going to San Francisco!"

"What, we can't afford Waco?"

"No."

Anyway, yes: Chip and Joanna also started a magazine, Magnolia Journal, which I wrote about in this space almost a year ago — plenty of time for readers to have forgotten any of the jokes (and thereby enabling me to steal my own material). Already, the universe is awash in tension betwixt the two magazines and, while circulation for each is forecast to be in the low billions, this could be pretty cutthroat before it's all over. Here's what I'm hearing:

1. Chip and Joanna have offered Carson Kressley six-figures for a monthly column; Drew and Jonathan countered with a higher offer to Guy Fieri.

2. Jonathan and Drew are having a contest where a Reveal magazine reader gets to drive a nail through Drew's palm with a Stanley Craftsman hammer. (Wait! Is Drew the one with the beard?)

3. A Magnolia Journal contest, though, flies the winner to Waco, where he or she gets to saw Joanna in half with a Stanley Crafrtsman high-tension hacksaw. Penn & Teller will be the celebrity judges who get to figure out how the trick was performed. Unless it's not a trick ...

Personally, I planned to subscribe to both magazines. Then I just got word at deadline that the original host of "Man vs. Food" is starting HIS own magazine. That Adam guy. The first issue has a piece on how to eat 50 pounds of Cheerios in one sitting and another on what it's like to only have one hour to consume a dozen one-pound sirloins dry-rubbed with hornet repellant.

Who says print media is dead?