Just kidding.

As loyal readers should realize, I’m about as likely to rely on smartphone software to make maple syrup as I would be to ask Alexa to turn on the sprinkler to water my tomato plants.

Syrup production doesn’t have to be all that complicated: Drill a hole in a maple tree, insert a spout (also called a spile), collect sap and boil. That’s it.

Of course, there’s a fair amount of labor involved, but that’s part of the fun, right?

Alternatively, you could use an array of sophisticated technology — reverse osmosis machines, evaporators, hydrometers, vacuum pumps and filter presses — but I prefer a system that isn’t that far removed from the simple process developed centuries ago by Native Americans.

In fact, when my son Tom and I started tapping a couple weeks ago, we ditched a lithium battery-powered tree-tapping drill in favor of one cranked by hand.

Instant success! Out oozed sap from long-dormant maples — nothing short of a constantly recurring miracle. Soon that clear, tasteless liquid will become golden, sweet syrup.

Mind you, there’s nothing wrong with fancy gear — it’s just expensive.

My total investment, not including labor, has come to about $150, and I haven’t had to replace any components in years.

Plastic spouts cost about 50 cents apiece and can be reused, as can the half-inch-diameter plastic tubing, which costs about $15 for a 100-foot roll. Various maple syrup suppliers sell these items online.

I switched from metal to plastic spouts a couple years ago because they are designed to connect to tubing from which sap flows cleanly into a bucket, rather than drips haphazardly. This helps keep out bugs, rain and bark chips.

I run the tubes through holes I drilled into the lids of gallon-sized plastic containers that once held cupcake icing. I bought them for a buck apiece at a local bakery.

I store the sap outdoors in a couple of clean, plastic trash barrels that cost about $15 each. When there’s been snow on the ground, I pile it up around the barrels to keep the sap from spoiling; in this snowless, mild season, I’ve had to rely on frozen water jugs placed inside the barrels for refrigeration.

I boil sap in three five-gallon aluminum pots that I bought at a local discount store for $20 apiece.

My outdoor fireplace, built from fieldstone gathered in the woods behind our house, includes a grate fashioned from a section of wrought iron fence salvaged from the town dump.

This year, we tapped about 15 trees and so far have collected more than 40 gallons of sap, which will yield about one gallon of syrup.

Sap runs most vigorously on warm days following cold nights, but there’s a narrow window when it can be made into syrup. In late winter, the sap contains a higher concentration of sugar, but once leaves begin to sprout, it becomes “bud sap,” which produces syrup that tastes like dish soap.

I’ve also learned to watch the pot like a hawk once the boiling sap begins to sweeten. It can go from almost perfect to incinerated ash in a heartbeat.

It takes us about six hours of boiling to produce a gallon or so of syrup, and as zero hour approaches, I begin heating cooking oil in a cast iron skillet on the grill.

Just as the syrup pots come off the fire, I begin pouring pancake batter. It’s an annual treat, well worth the toil.

Bon appétit, until next year.