Educators are well-meaning enough when they schedule leadership and sportsmanship seminars for high school kids, endeavors that happen frequently in Connecticut. But I wonder: Is this really helping teach the kids as much as it’s perhaps making the adults feel better about themselves?

And while it’s certainly productive to get the kids talking about such things, there’s also the overarching fact that neither leadership nor sportsmanship can be legislated. The best examples happen organically and in the moment, the ability to find grace when another is in your face, to summon composure as others lose theirs.

And so today we salute a young man at St. Bernard, junior basketball player Amyre Gray, whose fortitude and fiber last Friday night showed his teammates a light for the way, defused a potentially volatile situation and illustrated that leadership is as valuable silent as it is vocal.

The two-minute drill version: Late third quarter of the basketball game inside Fitch’s in-full-throat gym, 1,100 fans strong. The end of a play resulted in a foul call, two upcoming free throws and some woofing among some players.

Pause here briefly to remember that the full gym may have contained a few patrons with self-control disorders, potentially exacerbated by on-court issues. It’s happened around here in the past, sometimes to the point where games couldn’t be completed.

At that moment, Gray, St. Bernard’s undisputed leader, calmly walked into the middle of the fray and said nothing. He merely pointed to the places his teammates needed to stand during the free throws. Gray didn’t call attention to himself. Or anybody else. He simply walked and pointed. His teammates knew better than to disobey. They took their places. Situation defused. No coach or official could have done it better. Or more subtly.

It was easy to miss. But some of us who watched it happen nearly wept tears of joy.

Gray’s understated mien belied the significance of it all. Now perhaps we understand better why the Saints are the defending state champions with a north-of-20 game winning streak within the region. They are unflappable. And they are so because the young man leading them can link his actions to his wisdom.

On the topic of wisdom: Sometimes, it’s lacking in the sports media, whose members love to tout the concept of the “vocal leader,” as if leadership somehow depends on somebody yelling like a hyena to fire up his or her teammates. Not that there’s anything wrong with emotion, but it is not a prerequisite for leadership. Emotion merely calls attention to the act. And what if the emotive one is really a fraud?

That’s why Gray’s demeanor was so welcome the other night. The games we watch now are fraught with players dreaming up ways to celebrate, lacking self control and pointing fingers in times of distress. That there is a high school junior in our midst who gets it suggests there’s hope for us after all.

Nothing that’s happened on our courts and fields this season has been more important. Because what if other kids emulate Gray’s grace? What if they learn to defuse rather than incite? What if they learn to lead with equanimity?

There’s no denying that Gray, already among the best players in the state, will play college basketball somewhere. But I’d have offered that kid a scholarship on the spot the other night. That’s the kid you want in your program. That’s the kid you want in any program. The kid whose leadership is organic, not scripted.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro