As I approach the age of 80 and am now starting to forget little details, I am reminded of my late mother and what she endured in the last years of her own life. Mother suffered from what was referred to as Alzheimer’s Dementia, which is not full-blown Alzheimer’s but very similar to it in terms of memory loss. She did require the services of a specialized nursing home that focused on providing a safe environment for people with these issues.

It was frustrating for me to watch Mother deteriorate after she had led such an active, athletic life up until this point. And it was disorienting for me to try to deal with the fact that she did not recognize me as her son most of the time and kept referring to me as her husband (Freud probably chuckled in his grave on that one). It took me a while to adjust to her new personality and I felt at the time that nothing had really prepared me for these visits.

On Oct. 27, I attended an excellent program at the Noank Baptist Church led by Patty Borden O’Brian, a dementia specialist from Hartford Healthcare Center for Healthy Aging. Her main purpose was to give the large audience some brief introductory training on the most effective methods for communicating with a client who suffers from memory loss that is not a normal part of the aging process, and actually causes a reduction/shrinkage of the brain over time.

Dementia now affects nationally over 5.7 million clients annually and is expected to affect 14 million annually by 2050. It can be frustrating for the clients, who now find they are unable to drive properly or perform simple tasks or recognize people they used to know, which can result in aggressive, inappropriate behavior. The best way to handle such clients is by direct eye contact, calm voice, short comments and by also listening to their concerns without expressing criticisms.

It is also important to validate the client’s feelings and to lead them (“let’s go to the dining room this way” as opposed to giving them an order “don’t go that way”). By leading them, you reduce the possibility of confusion.

If you are both sitting in the middle of a noisy environment, confusing for your client, you can say “let’s go outside and look at the playground”... then get up and go out together to make them feel “safe.” Also, when asking a question, give clients a few seconds to process and respond; don’t rush for an answer. Their thinking process is slower, and their understanding takes longer.

When arriving for a visit, and then leaving afterward, leave your overcoat out in the hallway so they don’t try to leave and go “home” with you when you leave. And never say “goodbye” when leaving. They need to feel that they are already “home.”

In conclusion, based upon my own experiences, and the many additional points O’Brian mentioned that are too numerous for this article, I strongly recommend that anyone contemplating treatment of a family member should consult with professionals first to help make their transition easier. Every situation is unique, just like the client who needs the care, and proper communication makes the difference.

Ed Johnson lives in Noank.