I haven’t really talked to you all about my drive to Pittsburgh for my brother’s memorial service. How can you write happy words about family who gather to say goodbye to someone who really carved a piece of everyone’s heart and is now gone forever?

He and I were the only siblings and now I am the only one. But all my nieces and nephew were there, and their children and in one case a grand-niece who was there with her husband and their very young children.

My own biological daughter (my brother’s only niece), who had fractured her foot fewer than six days earlier, flew from California accompanied by a heavy knee scooter. I probably wouldn’t have flown from California, but my daughter wouldn’t miss seeing her only first cousins, many of whom she hadn’t seen in decades.

I couldn’t speak at his memorial service. When my mother died, I’d written a piece about how much I would miss her, but I couldn’t give that speech. I knew I’d sob, so my husband read what I’d written.

When my husband died, I couldn’t read his eulogy either. For him, I couldn’t even write about how much I loved him and would miss him.

I thought about writing a few words about my brother, but his daughter and son wrote much more beautifully than I could, so they did it instead.

At the service, I met many parts of my brother’s life: his golf friends, his sailing buddies, his duplicate bridge companions, his work colleagues. I also got to spend time with his girlfriend, whom he called his soulmate.

They knew either other from his duplicate bridge “meets.” I am the only member of my family who considers duplicate bridge fun. I am a little too social to play duplicate (or contract) bridge. Nobody wants to play bridge with someone who keeps asking, “What’s trump?”

But my brother’s soulmate, Lois Porter, has lost my brother, too. She will become my friend and we will meet, periodically, and talk about my brother. And she cooks, too. Here is her delicious macaroni salad, which she served to my daughter and me on her driveway, since my daughter could not handle the steps up to her home.

Macaroni Salad

From Lois Porter of Zelienople, Pennsylvania

Yield: 8 to 10 as a side dish

2 cups uncooked elbow macaroni

½ cup mayonnaise

1/8 cup white vinegar

1/3 cup granulated sugar

1¼ teaspoon yellow mustard

¾ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon black pepper

½ cup chopped onion

½ cup green pepper, seeded and chopped fine

1/8 cup grated carrot (optional)

1 tablespoon pimento (optimal)

Add all ingredients together. Put mixture into an attractive platter, covered with plastic wrap and refrigerated for at least 4 hours before serving. Best served a day later.

Lee White of Groton can be reached at leeawhite@aol.com.