East Lyme — One look at him suggests James McCoy would have few problems commanding attention. Kind of a big kid. Looks like he could bench press a Subaru.

Ah, but individual wiring is often mysterious. And who knew this strapping young guy, who speaks so clearly and insightfully, who maintains eye contact with his subject, could have been such a shy kid not too long ago?

McCoy, a senior at East Lyme High and future Division I lacrosse player at the University of Hartford, sustains the underrated concept that not all learning for kids happens in a classroom. His last two summer jobs have conditioned his people skills, turning him into a true leader on his team and in his school.

We pause here to admit that “leadership” is a term more exhausted in and out of sports now than a marathon runner. Most people toss it around like a horseshoe at the family picnic, honestly having no idea how leadership is created and honed. This just in: It’s not from a book. It’s from practical experience.

Job 1: summer security at Black Point Beach. Imagine: a 17-year-old kid telling people twice and three times his age what they can and can’t do under the summer sun. Some of us have shoes older than James McCoy. Imagine the poor kid trying to get tough in a society that already leads the league in outrage and indignation?

“A really good kid. Quiet. Mature. I’ve watched him speak to adults in his role as beach security. That’s not something that most kids in that role have ever done in my 10 years at that beach,” said Eric Marszalek, a beach member and also the former football coach at Middletown High. “He did it with no problems. My 5 and 7 year old love him. I put great stock and importance in how others treat and interact with my kids. James is a good one.”

McCoy, who scored three goals Tuesday night when his Vikings beat Waterford by a goal, also coached little kids in the Shoreline Sharks program last fall. Hmmm. Dealing with beach-goers perhaps partaking in the euphoric nectar and little kids running around a field. Cue the old line, “it’s like herding cats.”

“Working at the beach puts me in my place. You realize there are some situations I can step into and some I can’t,” McCoy said. “Things I can and can’t say to people. But I was a shy kid. It definitely killed my shyness.

“That job was the start of it. Then I started coaching. Both of those jobs teach you how to lead and deal with groups of people. It really helped me going into this season. I really was two steps ahead.

“The biggest thing is getting people’s attention. It’s hard to get groups of people to pay attention to you. I’ve learned some cue words to get people locked in, especially in practice.”

There’s not really a manual for people skills. You have them or you don’t. It’s not easy working on them. Yet there remains no more significant character trait. Knowing subject matter is fine, but who wants to work with a schmo with all the personality of celery?

That’s why McCoy’s recent experiences will carry him long after his lacrosse days. An absolute pleasure to speak to. A demeanor belying his years.

And to think we almost never knew him. McCoy and his family moved from Colchester to East Lyme (“it was East Lyme or prep school,” he said), and couldn’t be happier with the decision. He’s helped East Lyme remain the region’s home office for lacrosse, fortified by its win over Waterford. The Vikings have never lost to their blood rivals to the east, despite how the games provide perpetual theater.

McCoy grinned at that idea that while the Waterford-East Lyme rivalry has percolated in virtually all sports in recent years, the lacrosse team is undefeated.

“I sleep better because of that,” he said, his wry grin telling even more than the words did.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro