Rick's List — Witch Hunt Edition

According to a website called globalsources.com, it seems most of the fake witch hats Americans buy for Halloween are manufactured in China.

I'm no economist — ask my wife as she's perusing my credit card statements — but I worry whether our trade war with China might present witch hat-purchasing problems as All Hallow's Eve draws nigh. Masquerading as a witch is a time-honored ruse for trick-or-treating, but who's gonna go that route if they have to pay $75 for a cheap nylon conical hat?

You'd think President Trump would have thought about this when he was tossing out tariffs like Frisbees. After all, he is sorta witch-centric. According to the New York Times, President Trump has tweeted the phrase "witch hunt" 110 times in the past 15 months. And the Atlantic reports Trump has tweeted or used "witch hunt" 84 times in 2018 alone. A few thoughts:

1. As someone who claims to have perfected the art of the deal, why hasn't Trump at least negotiated an endorsement deal with an American witch hat manufacturer? His marketing squadron could come up with a snappy slogan such as: "The Donald Trump Signature Witch Hat — the ONLY Witch Hat Donald will use when being hunted!"

2. But why is it just "witches" in terms of Trump's persecution complex? In the history of horror films and novels, all sorts of monsters were hunted. Who can forget torch-bearing citizens marauding after Frankenstein or the Wolf Man of Dracula? The President could throw a little variety into his complaints:

A. "This is a rigged vampire hunt!"

B. "This is a rigged Wolf Man hunt!"

C. "This is a rigged Frankenstein hunt!"

4. Not so much "This is a rigged Phantom of the Opera hunt" because it's a musical. The Phantom can't stay hidden if he belts into song every five minutes or so.

A. "Put the bloodhounds away, Roy. I think I hear the Phantom singing."

B. "Yeah, that's his signature tenor. This won't be much of a hunt."

C. "That's him, alright! Let's get him!"

5. Back to witch hunts, though. Trump's source material, of course, is the witch trials in 17th century New England. Innocent women, children and even a man or two were accused of diabolism and many were hanged or stoned to death as hysteria swept the countryside. I have to wonder: What must modern day witches — true followers of the pefectly legitimate Wiccan faith — think of Trump symbolically placing himself amongst their order?

6. Probably not much. I just hope, in the Wiccan community, that if any genuine witches feel persecution these days, they don't complain bitterly to one another about being victims of a rigged Trump hunt.


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