"This is a stupid year."

That's a quote from the Roman Emperor Justinian 1, referring to 542 A.D., when he had the unfortunate luck to be in charge when a plague wiped out between 25 and 50 million people — or a quarter of the globe's population. On top of that, historians started referring to the disease as "the Justinian Plague," to which the emperor said, "Stop that! What did I have to do with it?"

But there are plenty of other notoriously stinky years.

It's worth saying 1783 was also awful, particularly if you were in India. Thanks to the uprising of an entire volcanic region in Iceland, huge amounts of ash and what geologists refer to as "volcano gunk" went into the atmosphere and then, because of one of those "El Nino" things, it somehow landed in India, where they were already reeling after a singularly cold winter. In short: this all screwed up crops, blah blah blah and, well, 11 million people starved to death.

And don't forget 2003! That's the year when, in October, Red Sox manager Grady Little left Pedro Martinez in too long in Game 7 of the American League Division Championship series — and we all know what happened next. What you may not be aware of is that, a week later, as the denouement of Salem, Massachusetts' annual month-long "Halloween Happenings" festival, Little was burned at the stake along with several women accused of witchcraft. It's now said that if you walk by Little's tomb at midnight, you can hear the wind whisper, "Pull Pedro ... Pull Pedro ..."

There are numerous other examples of verifiably miserable years over the course of the history of the world. I bring all this to your attention because 2020 has been rough and presumably you don't need me or Jeffrey Toobin to remind you. But this column has been my way of interpreting what is possibly the most irritating proverb ever spawned by a human being: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

1. The quote is attributed to a writer named Elbert Hubbard in 1915, and I can only assume he was inspired by being named "Elbert Hubbard."

2. Some of us don't like lemonade. We hear Hubbard's bromide and say, "Why would I make lemonade? It's sour and overpriced for what you get, which is lemon juice, water and never enough sugar. I'd like to punch Elbert Hubbard, who, if he had any sense, would change his name."*

3. On the other hand, still more of us LIKE lemons as they are, so why would it be a bad thing if Life gave us some lemons? People use lemons for all sorts of pleasurable things. Cocktails, cookies, pies, fajita marinade, seafood sauces ...

4. However, before we get all "positive" about lemons and try to put on a Happy Face and do our best to "make lemonade" out of 2020, let me tell you about something that truly embraces the spirit of this awful year.

5. I invented an IED fueled by a combination of the amonium-nitrate from lemons. And thumbtacks. And Ricin. "It's the cruelly effective bomb that smell citrus-fresh!"

*Elbert Hubbard DID change his name. You know him as "Johnny Depp."