Long ago, on the road full time as part of a Holiday Inn lounge band, I remember marveling over a wire story in a McAllen, Texas, newspaper about certain public beaches in France that assessed fines to folks who showed up to sunbathe and were deemed insufficiently attractive. This is actually real.

By now, I can no longer remember any of the minutiae of this seemingly harsh seaside statute. However, as a person who, even in my 20s, cheerfully would have admitted to being one of the citizens not worthy of the Attractive People Beach, I feel it's not too cruel to suggest some modern variations on this "don't go out in public looking like that" motif - whose subsequent fines easily could solve a lot of New London's tax problems.

1It's $50 for any male over 30 wearing his ball cap backwards or at a skewed angle.

2Large Dude: put your shirt on! And the sleeves better not be torn off at the shoulder. That'll be a $25 fine.

3Sir, is that a ... Speedo? No fine; you go straight to jail.

4You've got a driver's license? Excellent! You won't need that skateboard, then - and certainly not if you get a $25 ticket for riding it to your job at the comic book shop.

r.koster@theday.com

Twitter: @rickkoster