A Hartford vigil honoring Nex Benedict, the 16-year-old nonbinary Oklahoma student who died on Feb. 8, a day after a fight in a high school bathroom, was not a quiet night of reflection but a vibrant sharing of feelings and ideas spurred by the latest tragedy to hit to the LGBTQ+ community.

Nonbinary and transgender youth, LGBTQ+ activists, allies, friends and families were joined by state politicians to mourn Benedict’s death in the lobby of the Capitol building in Hartford on Wednesday night. LGBTQ+ organizations across the state came together for healing, sharing, discussion and what some called “righteous anger.” Besides the 300 or so people at the vigil, the event was livestreamed on Instagram.

Their very presence spoke to the breadth and power of the community, which continues to grow in Connecticut. In mid-February, it was announced that the True Colors Conference, one of the largest gatherings of LGBTQ+ youth not just in Connecticut but in the world, would be held at UConn in March 2025. The conference began in the mid-1990s but hasn’t been held since 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic and the eventual dissolution of the organization that ran the event. True Colors is being relaunched with the assistance of The Health Collective.

The vigil was co-sponsored by Out Accountability Project CT, Equality Connecticut, The Health Collective, Health Care Advocates International, Q Plus, PFLAG Hartford, Planned Parenthood and the Yale Gender Program. Many other groups, from Trans Haven and the New Haven Pride Center to school Gay Straight Alliance groups were also represented.

The vigil was hosted by state Rep. Sarah Keitt, the mother of a trans child.

Before the event, Rep. Keitt told the Hartford Courant, “This is a chance to hear the voices of trans youth and understand what they’re living through day-by-day.”

Kitt acknowledged that “my child’s school has been supportive, but that’s not the case in every school. We do need to address hate speech. When we say ‘Let kids be kids,’ we need that to mean all kids.”

Without lessening the doleful mood that brought them together, the vigil was also a vigorous discussion of the struggles facing trans youth today. A conference room in the Capitol was designated as a “healing space” for those who might be affected by the discourse.

“We are not only honoring Nex Benedict but also making sure we’re honoring those who aren’t being murdered,” said Ace Ricker, a group facilitator at Q Plus who spoke at the vigil.

People at the vigil wore T-shirts with statements such as Trans Rights are Human Rights, We Are All Human, Love, Disarm Hate, Ally is a Verb, Be Loud! Be Proud! Stand Against Hate! and Trans kids belong in CT.

The vigil began with teen activist Leah Juliett, who sang the pop song “The Village” by Wrabel.

When it was Gov. Ned Lamont’s turn to speak, he referenced Juliett’s performance and added a song of his own, gently leading the crowd in the chorus of The Beatles’ “All You Need is Love.”

The governor said he responded to the news of Benedict’s passing as if it were “like a death in my own family.” He closed his address with expressions of what he saw as Connecticut values: “We are not going to let something bad happen. That’s not who we are. .. We love each and every one you for who you are. God bless.”

State Rep. Dominique Johnson used her time at the podium to “thank the community of which I’m so proud to be a part.” She noted the distressing similarities between the death of Benedict and Matthew Shepard, the gay University of Wyoming student who was killed in 1998.

“You are loved. I want you to know that,” she told the crowd.

Johnson also made clear that this was a time for community and even celebration. “This is the people’s house,” she gestured in the Capitol lobby. “Don’t let anyone tell you this is not your house.”

Rev. Aaron Miller, senior pastor of Metropolitan Community Church Hartford and chaplain for the Yale Gender Program asked the crowd if they had two strong feelings, as he did: A feeling of deep sadness and one of righteous anger.

“Whatever happened in that bathroom happened with three children,” Miller said. “What are we teaching our children?”

Tony Ferraiolo, director of the youth and family program at Health Care Advocates International in Stratford, who led a meditative moment near the end of the event, also spoke of its community bonding and celebratory power. “I saw someone here tonight that I haven’t seen in years. It brought me joy. Go in peace.”

Kamora Herrington, the founder of Kamora’s Cultural Corner and an advocate for queer youth, furthered the “righteous anger” with an impassioned declaration of how fed up she had become with the failure of schools and government to respect and protect the rights of children.

The presence of political and social leaders gave the gathering some gravitas and status. Still, the most important voices were those of teen speakers for whom bullying in schools and being discriminated against for their identities was a common hazard. One of the youths said that when they heard of Benedict’s death they felt sad, angry and disappointed. “What I didn’t feel was shocked,” they said. Another told the crowd to “imagine how different it would be if it were cisgender kids being beaten and murdered.” Another noted that while “Connecticut is considered a safe haven, we need to make Connecticut live up to the promise of being safe.

The need for activism and a greater understanding of gender issues was a common theme. “I’m here today because Nex Benedict is not,” one 16-year-old speaker said.

In some instances, it was a celebration. There were expressions of relief that Connecticut is a sanctuary state for transgender health care, a refuge for those who are denied such services elsewhere.

The work that still needs to be done was summed up in a list of suggestions brainstormed in the wake of Benedict’s death by the staff of Q Plus. The Hartford-based volunteer-driven organization was founded in 2019 to fill a dearth in local programs for LGBTQ+ youth. The list was read aloud at the vigil by Q Plus’ outreach manager Norm LeBron.

Full of specific examples of legislation and concise arguments, the document asks the state to solidify legal protections for trans and queer youth, meet the demand for accountability regarding school bullying, center queer and especially trans youth in schools year-round, provide better resources for all students and take a public stand.

“The best way the state of Connecticut can support young queer people in the wake of the Nex Benedict news is to do what queer youth have been asking the state to do for decades: Protect them, honor them, respect them, recognize them, and above all, listen to what they have to say,” the Q Plus’ statement said.

The vigil marked the tragic end of the life of an Oklahoma teen, but it also signaled another step in a national movement toward acceptance and understanding.

“There’s this dynamic of mourning but we don’t want to stay in that grief,” Ricker said. “Nex wouldn’t want that.”

“This doesn’t end tonight,” added Melissa Combs of the Out Accountability Project and one of the organizers of the vigil. “There’s kids to fight for.”